


Speedwriting Prompts

by LadyAnatar



Category: Transformers (Bay Movies), Transformers - All Media Types, Transformers Animated (2007), Transformers Generation One
Genre: AU, Angry Doctors, Chaos, Drabble Collection, Gilligan's Island - Freeform, Guest Stars, Humor, Immaturity, Multi, Oneshot collection, Parodies, Prompt Filler, Romance, Spatial Anomaly, all genres
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-09-21
Updated: 2014-10-03
Packaged: 2017-12-27 05:47:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 13
Words: 18,744
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/975158
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LadyAnatar/pseuds/LadyAnatar
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Eclectic shorts written for the Transformer Speedwriting Community on LiveJournal. </p><p>Note - Due to the nature of its chapters, this story will constantly be marked as Complete.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Just to let everyone know, even though I put all of the pairings that I use in the tags, they very rarely appear. Usually, they only show up once. To find the short(s) with any particular pairing in it, you're going to have to search a bit. (Or ask me, I suppose.) Sorry 'bout that, but the pairings are few enough and rare enough that I wanted to mark them all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's Notes: Sole blame for this can be laid at the feet of Exactlywhat, who dared me to get one of these Speedwriting Prompts that she loves so much done. Much for my sense of accomplishment, I got my first done in a third of the allowed time. All of them are short, so they are in the same chapter and merely separated by prompt/title.
> 
> With the latter two stories, I actually fudged on the time limit a bit, but ::Ahem:: I lost track of time and forgot about them. ::Blushes:: Oops. The actual writing was done in half or less of the time allowed.
> 
> I do not know if I will do more writing in this fashion, but if I do, I will add them in another chapter.
> 
> Thanks to Exactlywhat for betaing!
> 
> Disclaimer: I do not own Transformers.

 

**Title: Stopped**

**Continuity: Bayverse/Movie-verse**

**Prompt: Digital Divide**

Tripping her way down the hallway, the girl determinedly headed for one particular area. For as long as she could recall, she had been expressly forbidden from entering it. _Although,_ she considered bitterly, _it's not like I can remember much_.

Upon hearing a noise up ahead, she quickly ducked under a convenient table and desperately pressed herself against the wall. Lady Luck smiled, and the echoing footsteps passed the hider by with nary a sign of her existence. Breathing a sigh of relief, she continued down the enormous corridor, goal at hand.

A single finger slammed down in front of her. "Where do you think _you're_ going?" a raspy, threatening voice growled.

Heart pounding in her chest, mouth dry with the dread of getting caught, the girl slowly raised her head to face the owner of the digit blocking her path.

Annabelle pouted at her guardian. "Ironhide!" she complained. "I was _doing_ something!"

Decidedly un-amused and unaffected, Ironhide glared back down at her. "Annabelle, you are aware that you are not allowed back there."

"But I _wanna_!" she whined, tired of being continuously thwarted.

"That is unfortunate, but you _will_ follow our rules from now on if you want to keep coming here. They are only to keep you safe."

With a heavy sigh, Annabelle finally acquiesced to the grown-ups' decision. She stared up at her honorary uncle with big, pleading eyes before answering him. "Fine, but I want you to pick me up. And I want ice cream!"

With a short, gravelly chuckle, Ironhide gently stretched forth his hand. "I think I we can do that."

Clambering onto his palm, Annabelle happily gave one of his fingers a kiss. As he carried her swiftly through those same halls, she finally let go of her hope of slipping into that room. At least she was getting ice cream!

OoOoO

 

**Title: Personification**

**Continuity: G1**

**Prompt - Task: tell a story from the perspective of a non-sentient object**

Waiting to be used, I hopefully scanned the surrounding area. No big surprises; no scary creatures wishing to drag me into dark corners, no one coming to put me to a task, nothing. With an internal sigh, I continued my vigil and allowed my thoughts to drift. Although I knew not why, my use had drastically fallen over the past few days. This had happened before, and I wish that I knew the secret to my cycle of work periods.

Suddenly, I heard a familiar voice roaring. _My favorite person! He has shown up again_! Lo and behold, the shouting drew nearer, and I found myself held in a secure grip. Almost quivering with anticipation, I eagerly awaited for my favorite part of this routine.

The shouting finally reached a crescendo, and I was flung halfway across the room and slammed into a red helm. As I fell to the floor with a clatter, I contentedly thought to myself, _This is the life, my boy._

Distantly, I realized that the red one had fallen to the ground beside me. My favorite person reached down and delicately picked me back up before hissing at his prone patient. "And maybe next time, Sideswipe," my bearer ground out, slapping me threateningly against his palm, "you will _think_ before you need me to reattach your servo!"

Turning from him, my bearer stalked away from the idiot on the ground as I snuggled into his palm. He had returned and still had use of me; all was right in my world.

OoOoO

 

**Title: How to Take Over the World – The Fun Way**

**Continuity: G1**

**Prompt: Corrupted**

Sparkplug wandered along the halls of the annual Gun and Knife Show in a not-quite bored state of mind. Several of the Autobots, namely Jazz, Sideswipe, Sunstreaker, Bluestreak, and Ironhide had wanted to go, and had brought Sparkplug on his request, although not necessarily his wish. Unknown to most of their group, Prowl had discreetly requested the mature, responsible human accompany the mechs, in case of the disturbingly likely scenario that someone would become trigger-happy. Apparently, most of them had the little quirk of becoming extremely excited around guns, and accidentally slaughtering a bunch of humans would be horrible public relations. So Sparkplug went, and found himself steadily zoning out.

Aimlessly, he glanced around for a quick head count. Awareness snapped back into place immediately. Jogging over to Sideswipe, he carefully whacked the mech on the leg. "Sideswipe, where did Jazz go?"

"Huh?" the frontliner responded elegantly, peering down at the much-smaller human. "Oh, Jazz! He heard music thataway and vanished."

"Thanks." Sparkplug turned towards the direction indicated before changing his mind and halting next to the only mech who appeared as uninterested as himself. "Sunstreaker?"

"What?" snapped an instant response back.

Ignoring the testiness, the human quickly requested, "Could you please make sure that everyone else keeps their guns put away and doesn't get into trouble?"

Sunstreaker eyed the smaller being before nodding. "I will. Good luck with Jazz."

Grinning ruefully, Sparkplug nodded. "Thank you, I might need it." With that, he trotted off to find the wayward saboteur.

OoOoO

Sparkplug stared at the scene. Apparently, there was a part of the expo that catered to guns, blasters, phasers, etc. from various science fiction series. Today, it was hosting a singer who was enthralling Jazz with her ideas, wonderful music, and favorite series. And he _wouldn't leave_. Desperately, Sparkplug tried to finagle Jazz back to the rest of the group. The Autobot affiliate realized the potential for madness and sheer chaos that was bubbling in front of him, and he tried. Heaven knows he tried, but in the end, Sparkplug just stood back and watched. _God preserve us,_ he thought in bemused horror. _They're corrupting Jazz. I don't know exactly how, but the world as we know it is going to end._

And it did. Leslie Fish's song became the number one hit in America as thousands of Autobot fans followed Jazz into the comforting abyss of Filk.

OoOoO

 

**Title: Homonym Problems**

**Continuity: G1**

**Prompt - Setting: a waiting room**

Ratchet gaped at the entrance room to his medbay, optic ridge beginning to twitch. Impossibly, the room had flooded. Water covered almost ninety-five percent of the floor, and kiddie toys floated on the surface. As Ratchet slowly took in the new route to his medbay, the sight of a pink bottle of sunscreen sitting on a small table finally compelled him to speak.

"Why," he asked in no more than a whisper, "is this room filled with water?"

Standing beside him, optics wide as dinner plates, Hound quietly answered, "Sideswipe was complaining about this earlier. Apparently, this room lacked the proper qualities of a wading room."

With a violent flinch, Ratchet carefully double-checked Hound's statement. "You did just say _wading_ room as opposed to the normal way of saying _waiting_ room, right?"

Carefully backing away from the spasming medic, Hound simply replied, "Yes."

"Ah." Ratchet merely went back to surveying the room for another minute.

_**"SIIIIDESWIIIIIIPE!"** _

A furious bellow swept through the Ark a moment later, and showed that all's rarely quiet on the Arken front.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's Notes 2: Okay, quick things about each short.
> 
> Annabelle is probably about four at that time; old enough to plot, not experienced enough to do well. According to Dictionary-dot-com, 'digital' means:of or pertaining to a digit or finger; or resembling a digit or finger.
> 
> Honestly, the creatures I was thinking of were Ravage and Steeljaw. It's neither logical nor fair, but my cats are constantly grabbing things and dragging them all over the house. "This is the life, [Henry] my boy" is honouring a short story that I liked in elementary school. That's pretty much all I remember from it though. And yes, if you can't tell, that short is from the PoV of one of Ratchet's wrenches.
> 
> Leslie Fish is an amazing Filker and a firm believer of gun rights, although it is not necessarily her in this story. For a great example, check out her song "Flight 93" on Youtube. I have never been to a gun and knife show (although I really should go), and totally made up everything there, especially the sci-fi booth. For the reason Sunstreaker was bored: Ironhide and Bluestreak like guns; Jazz and Sideswipe like chaos. Sunstreaker is just there because of Sideswipe, not because of a particular like.
> 
> Finally, there was no particular reason that I made that reference to "All's Quiet on the Western Front." I just wanted to.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's Notes: Apparently, I will be doing more Speedwriting prompts. Please keep in mind that while I no longer doubt that I'll do more, I am not doing some every week. I actually meant to do the sixth this time, but I just realized that I didn't. Oops!
> 
> Once again, thank you to Exactlywhat for betaing. Enjoy!
> 
> Disclaimer: I do not own Transformers

Title: Allergy

Continuity: G1

Prompt: #1 Allergy

Strolling down the corridors of the _Ark_ , Sideswipe smiled as he noticed the young human trotting in the opposite direction. "Hello, Spike."

Distracted from his thoughts, Spike glanced up and smiled back. "Hey, Sideswipe! I was just… just…" The human's face screwed up, and a thunderous sneeze exploded from him.

As the surprised Sideswipe watched, Spike shook his head lightly and grinned sheepishly. "Sorry 'bout that. They're not usually so powerful."

"That's alright." Warily, the frontliner verified, "That behavior is normal for humans, right?"

"Sneezing? Yep. Usually, they're not too bad, but occasionally they can- _Achoo!_ " A second sneeze interrupted the human. Then a third, and a fourth, and then more, and Sideswipe promptly began to panic.

"Don't worry, Spike! I'll get you to Ratchet! I think your dad's with him too." Gently, the red twin scooped up the helplessly sneezing, and now gasping, boy into his hands and bolted for the Med-bay.

OoOoO

For once, Ratchet was having a peaceful week. No attacking Decepticons, no officers glitching, no young idiots getting themselves in interesting situations, no nefarious pranks pulled, and Optimus was even taking breaks. Which is how, after adding all of those circumstances together, Ratchet knew that the next problem would show up soon, and it would be a doozy. He puttered around, arranging things and answering Sparkplug's questions. Finally, the doors slammed open.

"Ratchet! Ratchet! There's something wrong with Spike! He won't stop sneezing! Not even to answer me properly!"

 _Of_ course _it's Sideswipe_ , Ratchet though, resigned. "Alright, put him up here on the table."

Worriedly, Sideswipe immediately followed the medic's command and stepped back next to an equally worried Sparkplug.

Ignoring his two watchers, Ratchet started his scans on the boy, whose rate of sneezing slowly decreased. "So, Spike, you felt fine this morning?"

Spike sniffled. "Yup, perfect. Right up until I started talking with Sideswipe. I started sneezing right after I-"

_WAH-tchooo!_

Everyone in the room turned to stare at Sparkplug, who bore an astonished look upon his face.

Utterly confused, Ratchet tried to puzzle the situation out. _Why would Sparkplug start sneezing too? He was fine a minute ago._ Suddenly, a plot from a television show that had played a while ago flashed through his processor, and he turned towards the other Autobot. "Sideswipe, get out."

"What?" Sideswipe appeared astounded. "But I haven't done anything!"

Ratchet groaned. "I agree, but I want to test a hypothesis. Now scram!" After one glance at the casually held wrench, Sideswipe got, and the medic turned back to his patients. "I'll let him back in soon, but first, I want to just try something."

Sparkplug raised an eyebrow. "I don't suppose you'd tell us what you're testing?"

Shaking his helm, Ratchet answered, "No. I don't want to throw off any variables. Now, let's get started."

OoOoO

Fifteen minutes and several essentially useless tests later, Ratchet called Sideswipe back in. "Okay, Sideswipe, I need you to stand next to them while I explain what went on." After the bane of Ratchet's existence obediently shuffled into place, Ratchet began his explanation. "Well, I tested them. The good news is that they are not sick in the slightest. Instead, I think it's an allergy. They're usually harmless, just irritating. The bad news is that we don't know exactly what the allergen is. However, I do have a few-"

_Achoo!_

Spike groaned as his father swiftly followed his example. "Darn it! I thought they'd gone away!"

Smiling grimly, Ratchet turned to look at the red frontliner. "Congratulations, Sideswipe. Unless I am utterly wrong, these two are allergic to you. Now let's figure out what changed to create this little problem."

OoOoO

Much to Ratchet's dismay, nothing had changed. Sideswipe hadn't done anything new recently; he'd even been using the same material for pranking over and over again as a personal goal. Fortunately, or unfortunately, Carly had assisted in confirming Sideswipe as the allergy source, causing Optimus and Ratchet to ban fun-loving Sideswipe from any contact with humans outside of emergencies until further notice.

Two weeks later, the mystery remained, and the residents of the _Ark_ were ready to lynch the red mech. A bored Sideswipe once again proved to be a nuisance to the whole crew, and mechs were escaping from their base's confines every way they could.

 _Finally_ , a clue presented itself. To everyone's surprise, a distraught Tracks urgently commed Ratchet with a situation. "Ratchet! Raoul won't stop sneezing!"

Twitching, Ratchet answered the oft-vain bot. "When did it start?"

"Just a couple of minutes ago."

"Does he have any allergies, or is he sick at all?"

"Hang on." Ratchet waited, processor whirling. "He says no to both question."

 _What in the seven rings of hell can be affecting these humans?!_ Distractedly, Ratchet asked the mech, "Tracks, have you been using _anything_ different recently?"

"Just some scented wax. Sunstreaker is using it too."

"What?" Ratchet's flat tone obviously set off warning bells in the other's processor, because he remained silent. "You mean that the anti-social mech who shares Sideswipe's berth, therefore sharing wax and sometimes paint, is using _scented_ wax? Don't you two morons know that humans are often allergic to scented materials?!"

"Ah, yes to the first, and I certainly did not to the second?"

Growling, the medic snapped out his orders. "Get away from Raoul. I'll comm. you back after I do some _tests_." With that, Ratchet abruptly cut off his line and stalked off to find a couple of Twins.

An hour later, the wax was gone, two helms were dented, three pairs of audios were metaphorically blistered, Sideswipe was freed from house arrest, and peace had once again fallen across the _Ark_.

OoOoO

Title: Inappropriate Sympathy

Continuity: G1

Prompt: #4 Inappropriate sympathy

_How dare they!_

Starscream stalked down the hall, wings twitching with emotion and a scowl upon his face.

_How dare they, how dare they, how dare they!_

Only a short time ago, the Elite Trine had been renewing their bond after far, far too long. And much to his unhappiness, Starscream had discovered a bitter secret.

His trine mates pitied him.

They _pitied him_. They felt _sorry_ for him because Megatron belittled him, because everyone else followed suit, and because every time one of his plans failed, Starscream lost a little more standing, and his trine mates could not do a thing about it.

 _I'll show them._ Optics cold, Starscream ruthlessly formulated his next, and possibly final, plan. _Playtime is over. Megatron is dead; he just needs me to convince him._ At that thought, an eerie, almost lifeless smile spread across his face, and decks away, a shudder worked its way up Megatron's back strut.

OoOoO

Title: Unusual Fear

Continuity: Bayverse/Movieverse

Prompt: #3 Scenario: Someone being scared of something others don't mind

_Alright, I can_ do _thi_ s. Bolstering her courage, Annabelle walked into the living room with a smile on her face and plopped into a chair. "Hey, Eemah!"

Raising her eyes from her book, Sarah Lennox returned her daughter's smile. "Hey, honey. Do you need something?"

Carefully hiding her true emotions, Annabelle casually inquired, "Hey, you know how we're supposed to go to the Secretary of State Office tomorrow? Well, I was looking at the movie listings tomorrow, and one of them that I really want to see is on at that time. Could we go and see it instead?"

Inwardly holding her breath, Annabelle felt her hopes sink as her mother placed her book to the side. "Annabelle, we've been planning to go tomorrow for months now. Is there something the matter that you're not telling me?"

Biting her lip, Annabelle locked gazes with the floor. "Duh… wah.. geh… …sns," she muttered.

Patiently, now reassured that something certainly was the matter, Sarah coaxed, "You're going to need to be a bit louder and clearer, sweetheart."

Tears stinging her eyes, Annabelle jerked her head up towards her mother. "I said I don't _want_ to get my license!" she cried. "I don't _like_ driving! It's scary, the morons on the roads are so confusing and have no idea what they're doing, and I _still_ get the gas pedal mixed up! I've driven the bare minimum required, and I've somehow gotten into a fender-bender _and_ been pulled over. For ruddy driving too carefully!" Finally finished with her rant, the teenager sat back and concentrated on trying not to cry.

Eyes widening with shock, Sarah quickly encircled her daughter in comforting arms. "Annabelle, if you don't want to drive or get your license, you certainly don't have to! I absolutely do not want you to drive until you feel comfortable, and it's not like we need you too. Your father, myself, and Ironhide will drive you around for as long as you need."

Leaning into her mother, the distraught young woman managed to ask, "Well, everyone I know is planning on getting their license as soon as legally possible, and no one said that I _couldn't_ get it. So I _had_ to get it."

Gently stroking her child's back, Sarah comfortingly reassured her, "No, I promise that you will not need to get it until you want to. And I'll talk to anyone who bothers you about not getting one, okay? Feel better?"

"M'kay. And yeah, I feel better. Thanks, Eemah." Snuggling further into her mom's embrace, Annabelle sighed as the awful stress fled her.

"No problem, love. That's what moms are here for."

OoOoO

Title: Attempted Dissection

Continuity: G1

Prompt: #5 Unappreciated physical contact

"Hey guys, I'm home!" The young woman pushed the door open with a grunt, slammed it shut, and was promptly dog-piled by a couple of little kids.

"Hi, Mama! Didja bring us anything fun?"

With a smile, she reached into her bag and pulled out a small, hand-held radio. "Yes, I did! Found it on the side of the road by a trash can, poor thing. You two can play with it, but don't forget to do it on the dining room floor and clean up afterwards, 'kay?"

"Okay, Mom. Thank you!"

"No problem, kiddos. I'm gonna make dinner and pay the 'sitter; you two go have fun." With those words, the children grabbed their prize and ran for the dining room.

OoOoO

Soundwave was bemused. He had not imagined that a human would pick him up to be used as a toy, although he admitted to himself that his situation could certainly be worse. She had even cleaned him before leaving for her home. As the two younglings ran off to what he assumed was the designated area, he scanned the area as a matter of habit. Everything registered within normal parameters, but the room's clutter provoked some alarm: a broken television, an old typewriter, a couple of beaten-up radios, a torn-apart VCR and several computers in various stages of abuse.

Abruptly, Soundwave's attention was yanked towards the older child as he spoke.

"Hey, can you pass me that screwdriver?"

Dread coursed through Soundwave's lines; the children were going to dissect him. Or at least, they would try. As the screwdriver was passed from hand to hand, a voice spoke from the blue radio's speakers. "Frenzy: eject."

The cassette flew from the tape deck, and to the children's obvious shock and slight fear, a tall robot stood laughing right in front of them. Once he had finally tamped down on his laughter, the robot reached out and gently plucked the radio out of the elder's arms. "Trust me, kids, you're not gonna want to mess with _this_ radio." Walking over to the window, he opened it and flung the radio out. Before the children's astonished eyes, the radio smaller than their heads had changed into a giant, humongous robot taller than their house.

Turning to face the two children, Soundwave allowed his disapproval to radiate from him. "Soundwave: not amused." When the now-panicked mother raced into the room to protect her offspring, he addressed her. "Command: next time, check lost device for faction symbol."

Shoving her children behind her and frightened out of her mind, the woman nevertheless managed to respond. "R-right. I don't think that will be a problem."

Satisfied with her answer, Soundwave called his still-smirking cassette. "Frenzy: return." Once he had obediently docked again, Soundwave engaged his thrusters and flew off into the night, already ignoring the family that had inadvertently plotted his demise.

OoOoO

Title: Fish Don't Ride Bicycles

Continuity: AU

  
Prompt: #2 Choose a prompt of the Master List 2011 and write for it.   
August 13, 2011 prompt: Task: AU! Write your favorite characters in an AU setting.   


Starscream wore her customary smirk as she sauntered down the street, reveling in the appreciative glances passerby were bestowing. With her shoulder-length, brilliantly red hair, lush figure, and toned body, she could absolutely understand why people stared; in their place, she would too! Dragging her mind away from such pleasantries, she focused her attention on the road. After all, home was only minutes away, and most accidents occurred within ten minutes from home. Conveniently, she ignored the fact that she was walking as opposed to driving in the interest of humour.

Spotting her door, she sped up, trotting to the door, unlocking it and gently closing it behind her.

As the top-notch scientist gazed into her home, she sighed with contentment and felt stress literally spring from her shoulders. She wasn't entirely sure _how_ her wife managed to make their house Feel so blasted wonderful, but the redhead certainly appreciated the fact.

While taking off her shoes, she noticed their wall of pictures, and meandered over to wallow in nostalgia for a moment. One of the pictures showed herself in the middle of two other women; her trine mates. Thundercracker, with her braided blonde hair and calm smile, towered over her depressingly petite trine leader and still stood taller than their third. By contrast, the black, almost purple, haired Skywarp wore an innocent, mischievous grin and had somehow draped herself over _both_ of her trine mates. Starscream smirked before wandering towards the next picture; by Elath, they made a gorgeous trine!

The next picture actually showed her mate smiling in between two other women, who were deep friends since childhood. Starscream rather liked the two; after all, if they hadn't dragged her poor, protesting future wife out to that party, she and Starscream might never have met!

Slowly, she perused one of her favorite pictures, which merely showed Starscream with her best-friend and other co-workers. Without a doubt, Skyfire was one of the tallest people on the continent, if not the planet. With her ceiling-high size and gentle demeanor, she managed to perfectly balance out Starscream's petite stature and caustic nature. Adding to the fact that both specialized in the same area and enjoyed flying, and theirs had been friendship at first debate. Genuinely smiling, Starscream's eyes moved on to their co-workers.

Red-haired Perceptor, with freckles and crooked glasses, a shy smile in place, and her wife's arm wrapped around her waist.

Shockwave, her chin resting on Perceptor's shoulder and an arm snuggly wrapped around her wife, with her dark-blonde hair tied in her customary tight bun and her one remaining eye, thanks to an accident, a vibrant hazel in colour.

Happily posing with a Victory sign, Wheeljack the pyromaniac stood proudly with her bubblegum-pink with lime-green streaks hair; she enjoyed eye-popping colours and changed her hair's regularly.

Last but not least, Mixmaster, who had managed to be there that day, stood sheepishly next to Wheeljack in her stained sweats, soft brown hair hiding her bright, seemingly-innocent mahogany eyes.

Finally, eyes moving towards the center of the wall, Starscream hungrily drank in the crown jewel of the pictures. It showed their wedding, with both of them wearing beautiful white gowns and beaming smiles, their arms tenderly wrapped around each other.

Rejuvenated from the trip down memory lane, Starscream sneaked down the hall to the bedroom, where she knew that her wife lay sleeping. Carefully opening the door, the pussy-footer positioned herself at the proper spot, and pounced on the sleeping lump that consisted of her wife. A shout heralded her awakening, and Starscream giggled as she retained her spot on top of said lump. "Hello, lover," she crooned. "I'm back; did you miss me?"

OoOoO

Blinking sleep from her electric-blue eyes, Optimus stared at her wife with fond exasperation. "Of course I did, Starscream. But I do wish that you wouldn't wake me up like this."

Laughing, the redhead comfortably settled down further once Optimus had stopped wriggling. "I could, but this is fun! Besides, I don't do it that often."

Sighing, the buxom blonde privately acknowledged that she was waging a losing battle. In revenge, she shot an arm out and scooped her wife down next to her with a squawk. "The fact that you interrupted me notwithstanding, I would like some more sleep. Care to join me?"

Starscream huffed from where she lay trapped in deceptively powerful arms. "That's one of those commands disguised as a request again, isn't it?"

Smiling, Optimus pressed a kiss to her lovely wife's temple. "Yes, but you can wake me up however you want in an hour."

After Starscream mulled that idea over, she bowed to the inevitable and nodded decisively. "You have yourself a deal. Sleep tight, Optimus."

"Thank you, Starscream." Pulling the shorter woman close to herself, she murmured, "I love you."

A sigh answered her. "I love you too, you big softy."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's Notes 2: Once again, here are some defining notes.
> 
> I got the allergy idea from the Gilligan's Island episode "Allergy Time." Sadly, I cannot find it on Youtube.
> 
> I call my mom all sorts of weird names. Unless my information was faulty, 'Eemah' is Hebrew for 'mom' or 'mommy.' Annabelle's experiences are based on my own. I severely dislike driving, and I blame it all on other people. And yes, I really did get pulled over for driving too carefully.
> 
> When our VCR finally broke down, my mother gave it to my two little siblings to dissect. It was actually rather interesting to see what was in there, but alas and alack, they forgot to throw everything away. I was stepping on screws for a month. As for Frenzy being described as tall, he's like, what, 6'1 to 6'8? (Umm, right about two meters.) From my perspective, that's pretty darn tall, and those kids would be way shorter than me.
> 
> For my AU, I chose to make everyone a human female; I do not care about the science. The title is based from a famous quote: "Women need men the way fish need bicycles." I do not agree with that quote, but I thought that the title reflects feminism/females. From what I've heard, most car accidents are either very close to home or caused by alcohol. Or both; I'm afraid that I don't know specifics. 'Elath' is a fake goddess mentioned in the Star Trek book Uhura's Song. If you like Star Trek, it's an absolutely fantastic book. Those two friends of Optimus' in the picture were Elita and Ultra Magnus. (Any idea why they named her Elita One? Because the 'One' part is kinda irritating.) And I am a huge Optimus Prime/Starscream fangirl. Unfortunately, I'm pretty lousy at alternate pairings for major characters in canon, so this was pretty fun!


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's Notes: ::Shrugs:: I realize that none of these are all that long, but I'm pretty happy with the results.
> 
> Thanks to Exactlywhat for betaing. Enjoy!
> 
> Communal Disclaimer: I do not own Transformers.

 

Title: Naming

Continuity: G1 (possibly)

Prompt: 2. Flock

"I think they're called a 'cadre.'"

"No, no. I don't think that's it… How about a 'clump'?"

"That doesn't sound right either."

"Point. Well, I suppose there is always a 'swarm.'"

"Don't let's be silly! That's what a group of Insecticons are called, not a bunch of minibots!"

"Fine! _You_ think of something, and make sure it actually fits!"

"A 'flock.'"

"Forget it. What else would we call a lot of seekers?"

"A 'murder'?"

"I don't think so. Crows are always black; Seekers are always bright colours. Nice try though."

"Another one bites the dust… This activity is harder that it first appears."

"Agreed. So, let's give the mini's a pass for now and move on. What should a bunch of Praxians be called?"

"Not a clue. How about a waddle? Oh, and just figured out what to call a group of gunformers."

"A 'waddle'? Where did you get a crazy idea like that? And what?"

"Easy. I googled, 'what is a group of penguins called?' and got that as the result. As for the guns, an 'armory.'"

"An 'armory'? That… actually works. It doesn't make exact sense, but it's close enough and funny. I still don't like the 'waddle' though."

"Fine. In any case, our quest to name groups of beings continues. Who next?"

OoOoO

 

Title: Changing History

Continuity: G1

Prompt: 5. Scenario: a space bridge malfunctions and sends your chosen character(s) back in time. What happens?

It was merely supposed to be a routine mission. Take the energon cubes (and his twin) through the bridge, give them to Shockwave, make funny faces at the creeper behind his back, accept any intel, and drive back home (and yes, Planet Dirt counted as home) to give said intel to Soundwave.

So why didn't that happen?!

OoOoO

_Where the heck are we?"_ The words rushed through Frenzy's head as he onlined his optics and surveyed not Shockwave's ugly mug, but an familiar, adult human male gazing down at him with curiosity and concern.

Obviously noticing Frenzy's shifting, the human spoke up. "Hello, sir. Are you and your friend all right?"

"Not my friend; 'e's my brother," Frenzy muttered, slowly clambering to his feet. Glancing around, he noticed Rumble still passed out on the grass next to him. They were in a well maintained yard with… _Is that a train track going under the roses?_ the cassette thought in disbelief.

Smiling, the human quickly regained Frenzy's wandering attention. "Alright, your brother. Do you have names? I'm Walt. And how did you get here?"

With a look of sheer disbelief, the symbiote answered, "I'm Frenzy; this is Rumble. Why the frag are you not scared of us? I thought all humans knew how us and the Autobots came to your dumb planet."

"Well, I'm afraid that I've never heard of 'Autobots' before," Walt explained. "Nor have I heard of robots being able to properly talk to people. And I pride myself in keeping in tune with the modern world."

Flatly, Frenzy glared at the disrespectful human. "I don't seen how that's possible, human. We've been up and kicking for five of your years now, and the Autobots are _soooo_ concerned with human affairs. They're constantly helping with one disaster or another."

"Really!" Now Walt radiated curiosity, and the cassette's nagging feeling of familiarity grew. "How odd. Because I am positive that I've never heard of them. May I ask where you came from?"

Suddenly, the forgotten piece of info sprang to the front of Frenzy's processor, and he froze. Ignoring the human's question, he tentatively asked, "Have you ever made movies?"

Walt nodded. "Yes, I have. My last name is Disney, and we make cartoons. I'm surprised you've heard of me, but since you have, I suppose you _must_ have come from Earth."

Groaning, Frenzy dropped his helm into his hand. "Yeah. We did. And where we come from, Walt Disney died years before any of us Transformers woke up."

At his feet, Rumble stirred back into wakefulness. "Hey, Frenzy, did you get the name of the Autobot that slagged me up?"

Lightly kicking his brother, Frenzy's growl covered up the yelp he produced. "Wake up, glitch. We gotta problem."

OoOoO

Leaping out of the temporal anomaly, both twins raced towards their carrier, happiness and relief permeating their thoughts. After docking, they quickly shared what had happened to them with their family.

::So,:: Ravage finally asked. ::How much do you think you changed history?::

::Honestly?:: both of them answered. ::We've talked it over, and other than a couple of unavoidable little things, we think we did good. Besides, the only ones we talked to were Walt and his immediate family.::

They paused, and, taking into account the amount of glee deluging their bonds, their family dreaded what the twins were about to spring on them.

::So really, the only big change is that in the original timeline, Disney never came out with an animated feature in 1962 about two devilishly handsome robots from outer space and their quest to find their family and justice.::

OoOoO

 

Title: Fore!

Continuity: Bayverse/Movieverse

Prompt: 4. Choose a character, and write their first experience of a human sport (any sport).

In the parking lot, Ironhide warily surveyed the surrounding area. Not only did he have to watch for Decepticons, but a closer, immediate threat had been confirmed.

This was the first time he had come here, but Annabelle came several times a month. Unfortunately, almost every time she returned home, she sported abrasions, lesions, and one time a broken ankle. As he was finally at the Lennox's residence this time, he had offered to bring her to this place of destruction. Much to his dismay, he severely regretted volunteering now-

"Fore~!"

With an internal grunt, Ironhide managed to stay still as the blasted soccer ball ricocheted off of his hood again.

Running over to grab the ball, nine-year-old Annabelle frantically whispered, "I am _so_ sorry Ironhide! We _never_ kick balls out here this often. I'm sorry!"

"It's fine, sweetspark," he told her gruffly. "Go have fun, but be careful, alright?"

"'Kay!" With a grin, she ran back to her team."

Sighing, Ironhide sank down on his wheels. _Only twenty minutes left to go, only twenty minutes left to go…_

OoOoO

 

Title: Tranquil Cavern

Continuity: G1

Prompt: 3. this image (underwater cave)

Carefully maneuvering through the spire-infested water, Buzzsaw drank in the marvels around him. He didn't mind being immersed in liquids, and when that quirk allowed him to see wonders like he was exploring at the moment, he thanked Primus for it.

He was in an underwater cave. The only light came from a hand-held that Soundwave had temporarily magnetized under his frame. Inside the cavern itself, thin columns stretched up the ceiling, small stalactites appeared to drizzle down towards the ground, and stalagmites tried to stretch their way up against all natural forces.

Letting himself revel in the quiet and the splendor, the small Decepticon simply drifted among the formations, tranquility settling into his spark.

All too soon, Soundwave commed him. ::Buzzsaw, I need you for a mission in the next Terran hour.::

With a sigh, the symbiote answered his beloved carrier. ::All right, boss. Just let me get out labyrinth, and I will be right there.::

::Understood. Do not forget to bring me pictures.::

::I would never!::

::I know, Buzzsaw. I will brief you on your mission once you arrive.::

::Yes, boss. See you soon.::

OoOoO

 

Title: Bumblebee's Predicament

Continuity: G1

Prompt: 1. Unwelcome guest

"Ratchet?" Bumblebee called.

"What is it?" the medic answered from the back of the med-bay.

"I… think I have a problem," the minibot answered hesitantly.

Concerned how, Ratchet abandoned his tools and strode towards Bumblebee. The yellow mech rarely had anything wrong with him, and when he did, he normally knew the ailment. "I'm going to need a bit more information than that, kid. What's wrong?"

Fidgeting, Bumblebee managed to stammer out, "Well, um, I don't know exactly. Ah, I feel, well, _itchy_. And really, the only part of me that's being bothered is where I keep my upholstery when I transform. I know it's not dirt; I made sure to wash really well, but it won't go away!"

"Really." Ratchet activated his scanners and received an answer almost immediately. Trying to conceal his smirk, he put his hand on Bumblebee's shoulder reassuringly. "Well, the good news is I know what's wrong. Also good news is that I can get rid of the problem fairly easily. The bad news is that we need to get in touch with all of the humans that you've carried for the past while.

"Congratulations, Bumblebee. You're the first non-organic being to be infected with lice."

OoOoO

 

Title: Oh, No

Continuity: G1

Prompt: 6. "You want to know who your real friends are? Screw up and see who's still there."

_That didn't happen._

_No, no, no, that didn't happen!_

_I could never have done that!_

OoOoO

Blank blue optics stared at the wall across from the medbay. He had been sitting there ever since, waiting for Ratchet to come out with news. Any news. Shuddering, Trailbreaker curled into a ball of abject misery. It had been hours since the surgery began, and he had just been left alone in the corridor to wallow. None of the other Autobots would even come near him, only shooting him nasty glares if anything, but he could hear some of their conversations just fine.

_"Murderer."_

_"Clumsy fool."_

_"Useless, hindering, unfaithful slagger."_

With a silent whimper, Trailbreaker felt his already fragile self-esteem shattering. He hadn't meant to, he really, truly, had _not_ meant to what he had. During the last battle, he had taken aim at some grounder Decepticon who had been shooting at the Autobot's teammates.

He had hit Prime instead.

Megatron had thrown his nemesis out of the way and straight into Trailbreaker's line of fire. The shot had breached his leader's spark casing and almost killed him immediately. In reaction to his being shot, the other Autobots had thrown themselves into a wild frenzy and forced Megatron to call a retreat scant minutes later with no further (Autobot) casualties. Ratchet had had Prime moved to the Medbay as quickly as possible, and everyone waited with baited in-vents for news.

"Trailbreaker?" At the gentle voice, the black mech's helm tilted up. Hound squatted in front of him, a sympathetic smile on his face. "Have you been out here this whole time?"

"Yeah," Trailbreaker answered hoarsely. His voice felt rusty.

"Well, you need to get out of here and let us take care of you," Mirage put in from their right.

"'Raj has a point. You're not doing anyone, especially yourself, any favours by just staying here in the hallway. Come on, let's get you cleaned up and refueled."

OoOoO

Trailbreaker's lovers had matter-of-factly seized both of his arms, hauled him to his feet, and proceeded to "fix him up" like they had stated they would, leaving him much calmer and relaxed, although still upset.

Now, spooned together on Trailbreaker's large berth, they were simply enjoying each other's company and waiting for recharge.

::Trailbreaker?::The mech's comlink cut in on the cozy scene.

Jerking upright, Trailbreaker ignored his panic and answered. ::Yes, Prime?::

::I just wanted to tell you that it was not your fault, and I have not hard feelings against our accident.::

At the words, Trailbreaker collapsed backwards, squashing Mirage in the process. ::I… I don't understand how, Prime, but I believe you. _Thank you._ Thank you so much.::

Somehow projecting his smile through the comm., Optimus answered, ::Of course, Trailbreaker. Good recharge.::

::Good recharge, Prime.:: Closing his side of the link, the much-relieved mech wiggled against the now-slightly-irritated Mirage to make them more comfortable. "Prime just commed me. He actually _forgives_ me."

Hound turned over to face his loves and squeezed Trailbreaker's servo. "I'm not surprised. If it's a genuine accident, then I don't think Prime ever holds any sort of grudge."

"We're both glad that you're happy again," Mirage broke in smoothly. "Now, I think it's time for all of us to power down. Good recharge, the both of you."

"Good recharge, Mirage," they echoed back at him. All three of them finished arranging themselves, and Trailbreaker ex-vented happily. While he wouldn't fully forgive himself for a little longer, all was right with his world again. Settling into recharge, he squeezed both of his loves affectionately. _Thank you, Primus, for giving me true friends. And more._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's Notes 2: And here are my clarifying notes.
> 
> #2: I got this idea from a question I asked my mom, "Is a group of girls called a school or a gaggle?" After a thoughtful moment, she gave the perfect answer: a giggle. Got my question answered! The reason that no names are mentioned is that I have no clue as to who is talking. It could be Autobots, random humans, stoned Decepticons, or shoot, even a couple of fangirls! I credit 'cadre' to a fic that I know longer remember and "Don't let's be silly!" to Disney's original Alice in Wonderland. And I really did google the answer.
> 
> #5: If I was able to meet anyone, alive or dead, I would totally pick Walt Disney. I figure the Cassette Twins would have popped back to about 1958 (Disneyland opened in '55, and he died at 65 in 1966). Although I think I'm good, I apologize if I mangled his character. For those not in the know, Walt Disney really did have a miniature train and track going underneath his wife's roses. In regards to Frenzy calling both factions Transformers, I prefer Transformers to be their species name (like human or Vulcan), while Cybertronian clarifies what planet they were born on (so the Dinobots are Terran Transformers).
> 
> #4: Yeah, I went with kiddie soccer (or football, depending on where ya live). I am not a big fan of sports, though I have little against them, but I do have considerable experience and enjoyment with this. And I realize that 'Fore' is a golf term, but I use it everywhere.
> 
> #3: ::Shivers:: It's rather interesting reading the first couple of paragraphs for TransformerWikia entries, but the Decepticon ones can be exceedingly creepy. I'm used to fanon Buzzsaw, but according to TFWikia, he is one scary little bugger. Here's a quote:
> 
> "He will kill you. It's not a matter of if, but a matter of where, when, and how painful it is."
> 
> Charming, huh? Anyway, I'm using fanon characters. They have so much more depth to them. Oh, and Buzzsaw's little quirk is entirely my own invention.   
> And here is the link to the picture of the underwater cavern: http://ngm.nationalgeographic.com/125/deepest/img/09-deepest-125-bahamas-caves.jpg
> 
> #1: I guess that's Unwelcome Guests (plural), but it's close enough!
> 
> #6: This is for Exactlywhat, since she loves this trio. On an amusing note, the song "You've Got a Friend in Me" came on while I was writing this drabble.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's Notes: Not too many this week. RL has been ridiculously busy. In any case, enjoy the hijinks!
> 
> Communal Disclaimer: I do not own Transformers.

Prompt: (This) Satellite Photo

Title: High-jacked

Continuity: AU

"Skywarp!" Victoria snapped. "What do you think you're doing?!" Just moments ago, she had been casually strolling down one of the paths near their house, when her favorite, purple-metal bundle of chaos had scooped her up, transformed, and rocketed skyward.

"Jeez, Vicky! You make it sound like I'm going to dump you into that nearby lake."

"Well, you haven't said you wouldn't. Plus, you haven't done that particular scheme yet, and I certainly wouldn't put it past you."

Laughter rolled through the cockpit around her. "Relax, Vic. I just want to show you something pretty. Don't worry; I'll bring you back either after ten minutes or when you say so, whichever comes last."

"Humph." With that final complaint, Victoria slumped back into the pilot's seat with a pout and proceeded to ignore Skywarp's deliberately irritating attempts at conversation for the next several minutes.

"You can open your eyes now."

Rolling said eyes, the woman sarcastically rejoined, "Very funny." Skywarp just laughed at her, and as she watched, the cockpit glass faded from opaque to clear.

"Oh, wow," she breathed. Spread out before her lay the night sky arranged into a sparkling vista. Brilliant patches of gleaming yellow shined up in patches on a brown background, all connected with lines like veins of gold. Rippling against both brown and light, water assisted in outlining both colours, and off to the left, what appeared to be a blanket of clouds prevented her from ascertaining exactly what part of which continent(s) she was viewing. When she finally managed to pry her gaze from the shining splendour, she _saw_ the atmosphere straight ahead. It glowed with quiet strength; red swept through the whole layer, but a tiny blanket of green stretched over the top of the highest part.

"Thank you, Skywarp," she eventually continued softly. "I don't appreciate being kidnapped, but this is so absolutely gorgeous and so, so worth it."

Victoria could feel the smile in his voice as he answered. "My pleasure, Vicky. I thought you deserved to see one of my favorite things in the universe. Ready to go back down now?"

With a sigh, she nodded reluctantly. "I guess we should."

As the seeker prepared to head back down through the clouds, she took one last, wistful glance at the panorama. A moment later, her stomach leapt up to her throat. Her errant ride had not just "headed back down;" he had plunged with all of the glee that a mischief-maker possesses whilst sowing chaos.

"SKYWARP!"

OoOoO

Prompt: Downrange

Title: Planning

Continuity: G1

"Target acquired?"

"Affirmative. When will the missiles be ready to launch?"

"T-minus sixty seconds until barrage. I'm coming upon you now for loading."

OoOoO

One minute later, Prowl, Ironhide, and Blaster were deluged by the Twins' enormous water balloons, with the hooligans whooping all the way.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First: Important: Victoria is NOT my character. I received permission from her creator, LeaderPinhead, to use her and Skywarp in this short. The stories that Victoria is in are "Pint-Sized" and "A New Version of Reality" on FanficNet. Both are excellent, if very long, stories, and I highly recommend them. Please note that this short is not set in her universe; I'm just borrowing them.  
> Link to LeaderPinhead: http://www.fanfiction.net/u/3193238/  
> Link to Prompt Photo: http://apod.nasa.gov/apod/image/1304/iss030e078095.jpg
> 
> Additionally, I do not know how long it would take a Seeker (or any space shuttle, for that matter) to exit the atmosphere, so I guesstimated/fudged. (What?! 'Guestimate' is considered a real word, but 'symbiote' is not? How rude!)
> 
> Second: Why Blaster? Because I wanted him to get splooshed for some reason, that's why.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to Exactlywhat for betaing!
> 
> Communal Disclaimer: I do not own Transformers.

Title: Repetition

Continuity: G1

Prompt 1: Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. - Albert Einstein

"I don't get it!" Ratchet raged. "I tell them time and time again, and they still do it! I beat their helms; they still do it! _Optimus_ reprimands them, Prowl disciplines, them, and they _still do it_ every chance that they get!"

Sparkplug's voice broke in on Ratchet's righteous rant. "Have you ever tried anything different? Something outside of the norm?"

Surprised into stopping, the medic considered for a moment then somewhat-sheepishly answered, "Not since they first started, no."

The human shrugged and made his way to the table's built-in stairs. "Maybe you should. A wise man once said, 'Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.' So far, I have had no reason to disbelieve him."

Thoughtfully, Ratchet queried, "Who was he?"

"Albert Einstein, undoubtedly one of the most brilliant men in our whole history."

After Sparkplug left, Ratchet turned his considerable intellect to plotting and planning.

Those who had so long defied him were screwed.

OoOoO

Title: Pincushion

Continuity: G1

Prompt 2: Fluff

Carefully speeding just over the limit, Bluestreak sucked in an invent and only succeeded in staying fully on the road due to his long experience with hardships.

"Ow, ow, ow, you rotten little slagger!" he hissed through his speakers. "When Ratchet finally pries you out, I'm going to enjoy it for more than one reason!"

Eventually reaching the _Ark_ , he obviously didn't bother transforming and ignored all hails aimed his way. Suddenly bursting into the Med-Bay, he startled Ratchet from where he was examining Mirage on a berth. Judging by the interrupted scene, it appeared that the spy was simply undergoing a checkup.

"Ratchet," Bluestreak began without preamble, "I have a bit of a problem. It isn't life-threatening, but it is really irritating. I was driving around, and had to stop in a subdivision. Unfortunately, a little pest crawled in while my door was open. I only had it open for a second, just because the breeze was so nice, and – Ow!" His speech abruptly cut off, a whine following it. "Please get it out?"

With a put-upon sigh, Ratchet gestured towards the venter of the room. "Of course, Bluestreak. Next time, just open the ruddy window instead of the door, alright?"

"No problem, Ratchet. I don't think I'll be forgetting that anytime soon." Sunk down on his wheels, the Datsun rolled to the indicated area.

"By the way," Ratchet asked curiously, "what is it, anyway?"

"I haven't a single, slagging clue," came the grumpy response.

Shooting an amused look at the irritated sniper, Ratchet knelt down and peered in through the doors. "Well," he stated after a minute, "it's definitely organic, but I am not sure as too what it is. I've never seen it before, and honestly, it just looks like a ball of fluff with eyes that moves."

Petulantly, Bluestreak added, "You forgot to mention claws."

"I can't see those." Diagnosis finished, Ratchet began the arduous task of trying to pry the thing from the Datsun's interior.

Five minutes later, all he had to show for his efforts was his own bad temper, a constantly-whimpering Bluestreak, and an odd, low growl from the miniscule pile of fluff.

"Ratchet," Mirage broke in unexpectedly, "could I please try?"

Glaring, Ratchet nodded shortly. "Sure, but good luck. You'll need it."

"Thank you." Bending both of his knees, the former aristocrat extended one finger towards the fluff and… _Is he cooing?_ Ratchet realized in shock.

Cooing it was. "Come here, precious. Come to Mirage. A beautiful thing such as yourself shouldn't be locked up in a car that hates you. It should be out in the open, where everyone can tell it how wonderful it is, how amazing and pretty and beautiful and absolutely adorable. Come on, sweet thing."

Thankful for the cameras, Ratchet watched and listened in sheer disbelief as the growl changed to a high-pitched rumble, and the fluff flounced towards the edge of Bluestreak's seat. Delicately, Mirage plucked it up by the scruff and cradled it against his chassis.

"Ratchet?" the spy asked earnestly. "Do you know how to examine and treat cats?"

Shaking himself from his daze, Ratchet jerked his head to the side. "No. Not at all."

Bluestreak transformed and gaped at the noble and his fluff. "Mirage? What is that? How did you know that would work? How you got it out, that is. Have you ever done that before? Oh, thank you so much for getting the thing out. How did one little thing hurt so ba-"

"Bluestreak!" Mirage finally broke in. "You need to let me answer. All right, this is a kitten. I think it's only a few weeks old; about seven, if I'm right. Yes, I have done something similar before, though not on Earth. As to how I knew it would work, I was talking with Sparkplug one day, and he was complaining about this cursed cat. Apparently, they never listen to him. I researched them, and found that they are quite common, and there are many different variants, or breeds, of them. In case you're curious, I believe that this one is a Himalayan. Also, they are stuck-up snobs. Consequently, the only way to properly interact with them is to treat them as the" he quickly raised the kit to optic-level before lowering it again, " _queens_ they are."

Dryly, Ratchet inquired, "Am I to take it that you like felines?"

Mirage nodded. "Oh, yes. They are probably the most interesting and my favorite thing on this planet." Stroking the kitten, the spy turned to his door-winged companion. "Bluestreak, do you have any idea where Prowl is?"

Said door-wings flicking in surprise. "I think he's in his office. Why? You almost never have anything to do with Prowl. Does it-"

"I want to know where he is," the noble broke in smoothly, "because he'll probably be my biggest obstacle and I wish to have this settled as soon as possible." Dread pooled in Ratchet's energon lines as Mirage complacently finished, "I want to adopt."

OoOoO

Title: Calamity Jets

Continuity: G1

Prompt 3: Rendered speechless

Prowl stared at the scene before him.

Prowl stared at the scene before him.

Prowl stared at the scene before him some more.

In return, the Aerialbots gazed up at him in horror from where they lay among the wreckage.

Walking up to the standoff, Bluestreak snickered. "Think of it this way," he cheerfully told the younger bots. "If you render them speechless, they'll be too busy staring to actually give you a lecture or punishment."

OoOoO

Title: Gangway!

Continuity: G1

Prompt 4: "Was that… a dragon?"

_::Gangway! Everybody get to the side of the corridors_ now _!::_

Receiving Wheeljack's panicked communication, Hound and Mirage exchanged wide-opticked stared before diving to the walls.

And not a second too soon: a flying, metallic creature gliding through the significantly-larger-than-Skyfire-sized halls. From what little Mirage spotted, the oddly familiar creature was red and grey, with head crests, fangs, and the most beautiful, graceful wings than he had ever seen.

Behind the flier came a cacophony of noise, colour, and other beings.

"Grimlock! You all _go catch him_!"

"Wheeljack, when this calms down, I am going to _murder_ you!"

"You Puddles, move faster and keep up!"

"Hey, this is not my fault! Uh-oh. Incoming! He's gonna blow!"

Cowering against the wall, Mirage and Hound watched in disbelief as the flier released a plume of fire over its left wing and continued on its merry way.

After hauling themselves up from where they had thrown themselves, the whole ensemble began their chase anew. Just before running out of hearing range, the two bystanders heard Ratchet bellow in answer, "It is _always_ your fault!"

As the deluge of sounds faded away, the two Autobots simply faced each other.

"Was that… a dragon?" Hound asked softly.

Nodding his head, Mirage finally remembered from where he had recognized the flier. "It appeared so. And unless I am totally wrong, it looks like we have a seventh Dinobot."

Hound reset his optics as that info processed, them lowered his face to his servo with a groan. Voice muffled, he asked, "So. You think Prime knows?"

Mirage winced. "I should hope so, especially since Ratchet does, but just in case…" Swiftly, he opened a comm channel.

_::Prime? We might have a situation.::_

OoOoO

Title: Binary

Continuity: Bayverse

Prompt 5: This Picture (Power-suit on alien planet)

"Ironhide!" Annabelle bellowed form her second-story window. "C'm'here. I wanna show you something."

In reply, the truck drove over and transformed into her favorite black behemoth. "What?"

Angling her laptop towards the widow, she showed him a picture of an alien landscape similar to Mars. Red dust tinged the sky, but through it, a power-suited figure stared at the stars, both specks of light and the large orange one with its small blue companion at 10 o'clock. "If you ignore the kinda cool, kinda camouflaged power suit, have you ever seen something like this in real life?"

Peering at the offered picture, Ironhide eventually nodded. "Something similar, yes. It just was not quite so stylized."

Immediately, she focused her best, perfected Bambi-eyes on him. "Tell me about it?"

A most-certainly-not-rusty chuckled first answered her before he added, "Sure, Annabelle," and proceeded to tell her all about it.

OoOoO

Title: Quote War

Continuity: G1

Prompt 6: "Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened." - Dr. Seuss.

Sunstreaker carefully stared his opponent down. The opponent was not one of his usual ones; but then, most fights were fought with fist and physical weaponry. No, this was not one of his usual battles.

Finally finishing his preparation, Sunstreaker smirked, opened his mouth, and

"'Imagination is more important than knowledge.' Albert Einstein."

Carly glared up at him, a similar smirk on her face. "'Originality is the fine art of remembering what you hear, but forgetting where you heard it.' Anonymous."

"'When we remember that we are all mad, the mysteries disappear and life stands explained.' Mark Twain."

Carly upped her smirk. "'Women who seek to be equal with men lack ambition.' Timothy Leary."

"'Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea.' Anonymous.'

"'Show me a young Conservative, and I'll show you someone with ho heart. Show me an old Liberal, and I'll show you someone with no brains.' Winston Churchill."

"'I know you were talking, but I can honestly say I have no idea what you just said.' Anonymous."

"'Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened.' Dr. Seuss."

Bowing extravagantly, Sunstreaker recited, "'If only I had a little humility, I'd be perfect.' Ted Turner."

"'If someone kills you with your own gun, they better have to beat you to death with it because at that point, it should be empty.'"

"Exactly!" Sunstreaker cheered, before freezing and dropping his face into his palm with a groan.

Carly laughed delightedly. "Hah! You said a word that was not in a quote! I win! Oh, and the last one was by our dear friend Anonymous again."

Standing abruptly, Sunstreaker just jerked his head in the girl's direction. "Fine. You win." Carefully, he held out his hand to her. "Same time here, next week?"

"Wouldn't miss it."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's Notes 2: Here are my details for this week.
> 
> #1: I don't know who the victims are. My best bet is The Twins, and possibly for Jet Judo and getting themselves slagged yet again. But I truly don't know.
> 
> #2: Isn't it traditional that Bluestreak is the one who wants a kitty? I know I've read that at least twice. Oh, well! My aunt breeds those cats, and I tell you from experience, their claws are razor-sharp (but fortunately, only pierce the first layer of skin) even that young. And the kittens really are literal balls of fluff. They're so cuuuuuute!  
> Link to Kitten Picture: http://www.superandfree.com/slike/200807272020260.himi.jpg
> 
> #3: I credit this situation to Rick Kirkman and Jerry Scott, from one of their (best) Baby Blues Comic strips.
> 
> #4: For those wondering, Puddles is the sixth Dinobot, and he turns into a water dinosaur. I believe he is a comic-only character.
> 
> #5: Yes, I made it a little blue star instead of the planet it looks like (to me). Bambi Eyes are pretty much the same thing as puppy-dog eyes . As for the camouflage comment, the silhouette just seems to blend into the landscape to me.  
> Link to Prompt Photo: http://25.media.tumblr.com/3cdbdb16b1ecb08e7fb012ab0faf97dd/tumblr_mlvn2dhtru1s05hv8o1_1280.jpg
> 
> #6: Apparently, my modus operandi for writing is "when in doubt, about-face and add crack." I could not think of anything serious for this prompt at all. And yes, I love and collect quotes.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's Notes: Sorry that this is so late. I had a busy week. On the other hand, I squeed when I saw Prompt 4. Oh yeah, and Omakes are little short stories based off of another story, usually in a just-barely AU (alternate universe) setting.
> 
> Disclaimer: I do not own Transformers.

Title: Neither Brother Nor Friend

Continuity: G1

Prompt 1: "Keep your friends close, and your enemies closer." (Quote of Sun-Tzu, Chinese general & military strategist ~400 BC)

_I don't like him._

Sunstreaker stared at his scrubbing partner, not smiling, but not scowling either. In response, Tracks laughed and spun saucily around. "Come on, Sunstreaker. I need my back done, and I know that you want it too." Disdaining a reply, the Corvette disappeared into the washroom, leaving the frontliner to follow.

_I never have liked him,_ the Lamborghini mused. _And I know that despite appearances, he doesn't like me either. I guess we're following that "keep your friends close and your enemies closer" rule that I've heard about._ Mentally shrugging, the golden bot made his way over to his smiling, phony, beautiful companion.

_At least he knows how to put on wax well._

OoOoO

Title: In Strange Places

Continuity: G1

Prompt 4: A character demonstrates a previously unrevealed creative ability.

Sideswipe gazed about himself restlessly, fidgeting in place. Sighing, he finally gave up his futile efforts to keep still and ignore his code-deep urge. _::Sunstreaker?::_ he called to his brother over the bond.

Not surprisingly, what with Sideswipe's uncharacteristic use of his twin's full name, he received an answer immediately. _::What is it, Sides?::_

_::I have to do it again_ now _,::_ Sideswipe informed him guiltily. _::I know we just did it last week, but Jazz is here, and he was playing some of the most amazing music I have ever heard, and I feel too tight for my processor, and-::_

_::Relax, Sideswipe,::_ his brother told him soothingly. _::Just give me a minute, and we'll go leave. You can't help what you Feel.::_

_::Thanks, Sunny.::_ Sideswipe nearly melted in relief while sending his feelings over the bond. _::I'll meet you at the exit.::_

OoOoO

With surprisingly little fuss (although there was a glaring Prowl) later, the two found themselves out of the _Ark_ and at a quiet, secluded area away from prying ears and eyes.

Sunstreaker turned to his almost vibrating twin. "Let it out, Sides. By the way, what are you planning to do?"

With a wan smile, the red hellion answered, "The song that Jazz was playing in the commissary today." Gathering himself together, Sideswipe began sweetly singing.

_Morning in Paris, the city awakes_  
To the bells of Notre Dame  
The fisherman fishes, the bakerman bakes  
To the bells of Notre Dame  
To the big bells as loud as the thunder  
To the little bells soft as a psalm  
And some say the soul of the city's the toll of the bellsThe bells of Notre Dame

As Sideswipe continued the song, Sunstreaker absorbed the rhythm and began swaying, quickly adding in gentle dance moves in accordance to his twin's thoughts.

_Solvet saeclum in favila  
Dies irae dies illa_

To Sideswipe's utter shock, before he could begin the Archdeacon's first, sung line, an unknown, absolutely _gorgeous_ voice interrupted him.

_See there the innocent blood you have spilt on the steps of Notre Dame  
Now you would add this child's blood to your guilt on the steps of Notre Dame_

Reeling around in panic, both frontliners stopped before attacking in surprise as they truly registered the song's continuance and gaped at Soundwave's _visorless_ face.

Calmly ignoring them, Soundwave completed the part before nodding at Sideswipe to continue.

With a jolt, the red twin obediently began once more as Sunstreaker warily watched the interloper. While perhaps not quite to the same standard as before Soundwave's appearance, their ending more than made up for it.

_Sing the bells, bells, bells, bells, bells, bells, bells, bells. Bells of Notre Dame!_

Recovering from the high that the music produced, Sideswipe turned to face his unexpected partner. "Since when do you sing?"

An expression of amusement on his face, Soundwave smoothly answered, "Since I was a sparkling, literally. My creators discovered my talent early. Unfortunately, I haven't sung for anyone outside of my symbiotes for entirely too long. However," a calculating look spread across his surprisingly expressive face. "I was under the impression that no Singers lived among us on Earth aside from myself. How have the two of you managed to keep others from discovering?"

Snorting, Sunstreaker deigned to answer that one. "He has a twin that loves his music and respects his paranoia of others learning. When he does get the urge, we just go for a drive, like we do all the time. Now my turn. How did _you_ find out?"

"Do not worry; Frenzy and Rumble happened to be causing copious amounts of destruction where Sideswipe sang last week. They managed to restrain themselves when they heard you, came back, and told me. Today, Laserbeak informed me when you left, and I simply found and followed you."

Drawing himself even more upright, the Singer inclined his head toward the Autobots. "I propose a mild truce, just for the three of us. Every so often, we get together, just for music." As an afterthought, he added, "My symbiotes will often come, but they _will_ behave."

_::I think he means it; I mean, he's showing us his face,::_ Sideswipe noted. _::Can we please meet with him, Sunny? It would be so nice to sing with someone again.::_

"We accept on one condition," Sunstreaker spoke for both of them. "Why in all of the seven hells do you wear a mask and speak in that horrific monotone accent if you're really like _this_?"

With a slight chuckle, Soundwave smiled and answered, "The facemask helps intimidate others, and as you have probably noticed, disguises my emotions. The monotone helps with as well, and prevents people from guessing that I am a Singer; after all, we are even more rare than we used to be. Finally, the accent is for the same reason. I also find it amusing when people used to mistake my loyalty or intelligence because of it. Fortunately, I choose to sound that way normally; it is not a glitch."

Hopefully, the big, scary Decepticon officer raised his eyes to look at his "enemies." "So, what next?"

OoOoO

Title: Famous Last Words (or Omake 1)

Continuity: G1

Prompt 6: Choose a prompt from this master prompt list. Please indicate the date and prompt no/title.

25 August 1012: Famous last words.

Omake 1: _Set after the above arrangement has been going on for a while…_

Standing together, shoulder to shoulder on the battle field, Soundwave, Sideswipe, Sunstreaker, and Skywarp defiantly stared down their leaders.

"Order: now repeated" spoke Soundwave's monotone voice. "Cease hostilities between Autobots and Decepticons; _Now_."

Megatron sputtered in fury as the Prime just watched in shock. "How _dare_ you defy me like this, Soundwave! And really, where do you all think that you would go if you left here?"

"Oh, we figured that out months ago," Sideswipe answered cheerfully. "We'd set ourselves up on human television, explain exactly how we had been mistreated because of our gifts, and become rich and even _more_ famous due to our abilities to sing and dance. And then," he added with a wicked smile, "we would try to take over the world!"

Skywarp matter-of-factly cut off the cackling by slapping the frontliner on the back of the head. "You'd also be out a second in command and Elite Trine, because we have contingency plans to kidnap them." He warned Megatron, equally cheerful.

Finally breaking out of his staring, Optimus shrugged, turned to his distracted nemesis, and placed the muzzle of his gun as close to the Decepticon Leader's spark casing as possible. "In accordance with the demands of our former soldiers," the formerly-seen-as-sappy-and-reluctant-to-harm-or-th reaten-others mech stated calmly, "I hereby propose a truce."

OoOoO

Omake 2: _Set some time in the future…_

At the end of their session, Soundwave turned to face his partner, who automatically tensed at the foreign twinkle in the telepath's eyes (as opposed to the now-familiar twinkle whenever the visor was retracted). "Sideswipe," he started in an easy tone, "I've been practicing a new parody. Would you like to hear it?"

Smiling jovially, the frontliner nodded, circumspectly telling his nearby twin that something, probably/hopefully benign, was afoot. "Of course. I'm always willing to hear one of your songs."

"Glad to hear that reconfirmed." Purposefully, the comms mech shifted himself into different stance, and, Sideswipe noted uneasily, closer to easily running away. "Let me know if you don't recognize the tune," the singer added, before he burst into song.

"Hail, to the victors valiant  
"Hail, to the conquering heroes,  
"Hail, hail, to Megatron, the leader of the best~!"

Unsurprisingly, Soundwave never started his second verse because of the need to run far, far away from two irritated and disgusted frontliners.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's Notes 2: Here are the (really long) details for this week:
> 
> #1: I don't know enough about Tracks to really write him or understand him, but I liked the idea this time 'round. Normally though, I'm all for no conflict, no hatred, no lies, etc. All stuff that I won't ever find on this Earth.
> 
> #4: I am a singer, specifically a 1st Soprano (i.e. I can get really high), and I am rather good at it. Needless to say, I love music. I've had a version of this idea stuck in my head for about a year now, and finally got the chance to use it. There is an extremely likely chance that this characteristic will be reused or referenced in my future stories. I have never seen "The Hunchback of Notre Dame," (do NOT read the book! It's disgusting!), but I have found this gorgeous cover of the song: "Bells of Notre Dame (Female Cover)" by Marina Brower on YouTube.
> 
> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FG9qCKNgaFw
> 
> Finally, I realize that the G1 characters are about a decade before the movie came out. I dun' care. The lyrics, including the Latin, were taken from SING365dotcom
> 
> #6/Omake 1: Skywarp is there because of my head-story. Basically, about 1 in 100 transformers have the coding for singing, and then they vary on ability. Soundwave is phenomenal, like Julie Andrews, Marion Anderson, Andrea Bocelli, and the like. Sideswipe is pretty dang good; he's about on par with Nightwish's blond singer and Toby Keith. Poor Skywarp, who also has the coding, has been forbidden to try to sing by Megatron, on the grounds that his breaks-glass voice is inhumane. Yes, it's that bad. But he loves music anyway, and is an excellent dancer with Sunstreaker. Oh, and for those that don't recognize it, 'try to take over the world' (or something really close) is from "Pinky and the Brain."
> 
> Omake 2: I credit this to my dad. I was going around humming "The Bells of Notre Dame," and we ended up talking about University of Notre Dame's and then U of Michigan's fight songs. Then he shot that plot bunny into my head, and I went and wrote it.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's Notes: I am exorbitantly busy these days, so the amount of Prompts that I get done is probably getting slashed.
> 
> In any case, enjoy, and thanks to Exactlywhat for betaing!
> 
> Disclaimer: I do not own Transformers.

 

Title: Gathering

Continuity: G1 (Sort of)

Prompt 1: sunny afternoon

As Prowl and Jazz stood staring at the rural valley before them, they were halted from fully entering by a cheery, "Hi, Prowl! Hi, Jazz! How did you two find us?"

Jerkily twitching his doorwings, Prowl stiffly asked Sideswipe and the unknown mech behind him, "What exactly is going on here?"

The unnamed mech shrugged. "It's actually fairly simple. On Cybertron, there used to be a period of time where every so often, all people whose name has a 'heat,' or 'fiery' connotation would gather together. Once all in one area, they would simply relax, sunbathe, gossip, and be incredibly lazy. If you really tried to pry any of them out," he gestured toward the mecha laying down in the center of the clearing, "you probably wouldn't get them very far."

"Let's make it, you _definitely_ wouldn't get very far," Sideswipe put in dryly. "Sunny didn't even flinch when I said we have interlopers, and I didn't tell him who they were."

"Anyway," the still-unnamed mech continued, "while they have fun, all of their bondeds that have come with them relax a bit, gossip, and stand guard in case anyone wants to crash the party."

Suddenly, a plaintive wail came from middle of the huddle. "Steelfist!"

The no-longer unnamed mech bowed slightly and informed them, "If you'll please excuse me, Solarbeam calls," before gracefully lurching over bodies to reach the voice.

"Sooooo," Jazz drawled, "If ya have tah have ah name abou' 'heat,' then were are Hot Rod, Hot Shot, Hot Spot, an' any others?" Jazz asked curiously.

"That's easy," a voice answered behind them. The two Autobot officers whipped around to see Acid Storm and one of his Trine Mates, Icestorm, approaching. "Those are their English names. The 'hot' refers to something other than heat, similar to one human telling someone else they have a hot body."

"Understood." Prowl looked past the two Rainmakers and saw Sunstorm, a familiar orange mech probably named Firewave, and… "Is that Flareup?" on top of a very happy Skyfire. Turning to his possibly-favorite red hellion, Prowl asked, "Where did everyone here _come_ from? There simply isn't anyway that all of these mecha could have made it here."

"But they did," Sideswipe answered cheekily. "We're not sure why, but every time there is a 'sunny afternoon,' everybody who should be here gets here. They'll go back the same way they got here at the end of the day. It's not logical, but it is."

Prowl ex-vented quietly. "Fine." Gazing out over the amazing amount of laying or chatting mecha, Autobot, Decepticon, and noticeably other, he came to a decision and pinned Sideswipe with an unforgiving stare. "You will come back when this is over with no pranks, lollygagging, catastrophes?"

The red Autobot grinned. "Well, I can assure you that there will be no pranks, and I will do my best to prevent any catastrophes. No promises about lollygagging though, but I'll try to keep it down."

"All right." With one last glance at the surprisingly peaceful gathering, Prowl stepped back and transformed, swiftly followed by Jazz.

"See ya all when ya get back, Siders!" Jazz called cheerfully, and the two officers left, both inexplicably calmed by the sight of so many diverse beings interacting peacefully; proof that perhaps one day, it would once again become a common occurrence for their species.

OoOoO

Title: Wise and Mature

Continuity: G1 (possibly)

Prompt 6: Setting: inside the Matrix of Leadership

"Ow, stop pushing!"

"Scooch over a couple of meters, will ya?"

"Nebula is poking me with his sensory horns again!"

"Sorry!"

"Seriously, people, we need some discipline in-"

"Do, _shut up_ , Crystal. Nobody in this madhouse cares."

"How rude, you arrogant aft!"

"Is it just me, or does it stink in here?"

"To whoever is doing the deed, please remove thine hands from my crotch."

"My bad. Sorry 'bout that."

"Does anyone want to play 'I Spy'?"

"NO!"

OoOoO

Optimus stared wordlessly at the scene, which appeared to be a farce, in front of him. Turning to Sentinel, he asked, "Do they _always_ act like this?"

With a sigh, Sentinel nodded. "Unfortunately, yes. It's not so bad when most of us are playing in Heaven, but when we all have to show up in the Matrix, there simply isn't enough room for calm tempers."

Optimus gaped in an un-Primely fashion at the even more un-Primely brawl erupting in front of them. "So, when to we get to leave?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's Notes 2: Details for this Week:
> 
> #1: Acid Storm, the yellow Rainmaker, and the blue Rainmaker are commonly a Trine in fanon, and the yellow one is most-always named Sunstorm. I borrowed the name 'Icestorm' from LadyDragon76 on LiveJournal and Archive of Our Own. I mentioned several honestly pointless OCs because I could, their names fit, and they don't really matter in the grand scheme of things.
> 
> #6: Kudos to Barbara Paul because of the lovely conversation on Pp. 243-245 in her Star Trek book, "Three Minute Universe." I don't know of a Nebula or Crystal Prime, but I'm going with the idea of hundreds of Primes being jammed in that tiny little object.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Eep! Almost forgot; thanks to Exactlywhat for betaing, dark stories and all.
> 
> Communal Disclaimer: I do not own Transformers.

Title: Girl Problems

Continuity: Bayverse

Prompt 1. slang

"Oww…" the female NEST lieutenant quietly moaned.

Mikaela happened to be passing and detoured in concern. "Are you alright?"

Shooting a small smile at the younger woman, the lieutenant nodded. "Yeah, I'm just having a bad cycle."

Wincing in sympathy, Mikaela asked, "Do you need anything for it?"

A sigh of relief. "That would be _heavenly_. I forgot to grab more."

"I do not understand," Optimus' deep voice rumbled from approximately fifty feet away. "Why would she need to take something for a bad cycle? I know of no acceptable inanimate thing which could lift her spirits."

"Oh!" Mikaela's face lit up in understanding. "You're misunderstanding 'cycle.' We're not talking about a day."

A snicker interrupted her. "No," a young, nearby soldier put in rudely, "they're talking about that unfortunate time of month. The time when all ladies of my acquaintance turn from themselves into emotional, class-A bitches."

The unnamed lieutenant shot a poisonous glare at the interloper. "Be that as it may, it is impolite to refer to women as 'bitches.' Believe me, if God had asked for our opinion, these things would not be happening ever, let alone every month."

Shrugging, the man continued digging his own grave. "Well, can you think of a better way to put it? Because in my experience, without fail, women will be mostly sweet and helpful for three weeks of the month, and then 'bam!,' they will suddenly – Augh!"

Coldly staring down at the twitching body, Mikaela handed the miniature Taser back to Wheelie. "Optimus, if you're truly curious, just Google 'menstrual cycle,' and try to stay away from anything unofficial written by morons like him." Turning to the other woman, she added, "Come on, I've got some Midol in my quarters."

As Optimus Prime watched them stride away, Googled the phrase, and made sure that the recovering soldier was undamaged, he found a new respect for one half of humanity.  
Shaking his head, he went to his next duty, the lyrics of Julia Ecklar's "Female of the Species" ringing appropriately through his helm.

OoOoO

Title: Appropriate

Continuity: Bayverse/Movieverse

Prompt 3. Flyting

"Yo' mother is a yellow-bellied sapsucker!"

"My mother is yo' mother, you glitch-riddled dipstick!"

_Clang! Wap._

"Dipstick?! I'm perfect! It's _you_ who's da glitch!"

"I'm not! And you have to learn some new insults! Dose ones got old before all dose humans was born."

"How 'bout dis: you're an ugly slagger who-"

"Mudflap, are you nuts?! Shut up before she hears you!"

With horrified, furtive glances, the young Autobot twins quickly transformed and zoomed away.

"Does anyone have an idea of why they're acting like that?" Epps asked in amusement.

Lennox laughed. "You know that Sarah and Monique are visiting, right?"

"Yeah…"

"Well, apparently, they told the twins that if they taught our children how to swear in any language, they would cash in that favour from Ratchet, and suddenly, the girls would have a new car that can chauffeur kids automatically."

Epps blinked before chuckling. "We married a couple of scary ladies, didn't we?"

"Yeah, but I wouldn't have them any other way."

OoOoO

Title: Wizard

Continuity: G1

Prompt 4. Unforgivable Sin

Wildrider stared at the tiny, puny, ignorable, and absolutely lethal human in horror.

Calmly meeting his gaze, the fleshbag fingered his stick; the most awe-inspiring, destructive weapon that the young transformer had ever heard of. Bowing slightly, the human simply told his watcher, "I'm sorry about your friends. However, we did what had to be done. If it's any consolation, they died well, and we needed to use all of our interrogation spells in order to retrieve our information."

After the human completely vanished with a pop, Wildrider dropped to his knees and keened his anguish, his brothers' terrifying screams and a final green light swirling endlessly through his processor.

OoOoO

Title: Being Nice to Mother

Continuity: Bayverse/Movieverse

Prompt 5. Pick one from this master list of prompts. Please indicate the date in your header.

May 14, 2011 Prompt 4: This image (WARNING for arachnaphobes, shows a spider with a nest of newly hatched young)

The Decepticon carefully skittered into its home base. One of the many small members of the army, it had been charged with infiltrating a local car company, and sending the schematics of their latest cars to larger Decepticons yet to arrive on Earth. At the moment, it was busy establishing a safe base of operations near an old, whitewashed wall.

Shortly thereafter, it completed its exertions and relaxed in a moment in satisfaction before releasing its microunits. The units had just begun spreading from their host when

"Cool!"

Several sensors jerked to face the young organic, which cluelessly trotted up to the hostile alien.

"I've never seen spider babies before." A poke. "Woah, you're made out of metal! I didn't know you existed." A sad sigh. "Too bad Mom hates spiders. Guess that means I gotta kill ya."

Before the words registered in the Decepticon's surprised processor, the child had reached behind himself, grabbed a metal club, and slammed it down. Over and over again, the insane youngling battered the centuries-older being until struts snapped and energon painted the ground.

As its mind shattered and grew dark, it heard "I guess baseball bats _do_ work on robot bugs."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's Notes 2: Here are the details for this week:
> 
> #1: For those who don't know, a cycle is one of the transfandom (or canon?) words for a (varying) length of time. And I realize that this is a lousy slang term (if at all), however, 1.) I couldn't think of anything, and 2.) I was in pain. I LOATHE periods. Fortunately, only one boy has ever tried to pull the "It must be your time of month" crap on me, and he was roundly castigated for it. Oh, and that is a fantastic song (it's on YouTube).
> 
> #3: I apologize for their accent; I tried. Flyting is basically a ritual of two people insulting each other. I didn't include 'glitch' as a swearword because it has been used in Lilo and Stitch – Stitch Has a Glitch.
> 
> #4: This is just a random wizard from the/a Harry Potter universe.
> 
> #5: This boy is my brother, albeit how he was as a kid several years ago. The plot and everything that happens in this short are his (he wanted to kill the little, Bayverse, Decepticon spider); I just made it "real". As my brother severely dislikes fanfiction, I was happy for his involvement (so was he). I have his (enthusiastic) permission in the insert and equal approval of the short. Also, I don't know what those little creature that came out of Ravage's mouth in RotF are called; I call them microunits.  
> Link to Disturbing Prompt Photo: http://tf-speedwriting.livejournal.com/307904.html#cutid1


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's Notes: Well, this was a bit later than I'd hoped, but that happens. I had an extremely busy week; at least the concert went well! My choir received glowing praise.
> 
> Alright, to start the interesting stuff off, thank you to HikariFighter for answering a question of mine.
> 
> Next, thank you to Exactlywhat and Manias 3.0 for betaing. Enjoy!
> 
> Disclaimer: I do not own Transformers

Title: Good Business

Continuity: Animated

Prompt1 - The good man is the friend of all living things. - Mahatma Gandhi

Swindle smiled and chatted with his latest customer. The poor mech was pouring his story into Swindle's sympathetic audios, grateful for someone actually listening to his troubles. Blessed with poise, good sense, and good business sense, Swindle had realized early on in his career that being friendly earned him the most customers. Case in point: the moron telling Swindle all of his immediate weaknesses before negotiating the sale.

_How does that Terran saying go again? "The good man is the friend of all living things?"_ Swindle shrugged to himself. _Oh, well. While it's not always nice for them, being every man's friend is good for_ me _, and that's all that matters._

OoOoO

Title: Cruel and Unusual

Continuity: G1

Prompt 2 - Scenario: a character develops a superpower

"So anyway, I really didn't ask for this. I mean, I'm not the best person for _any_ superpower, and this seem to do mo-" _Trip. Clang!_ "Oops! Sorry about that, Mirage. I didn't mean to nose-dive into your lap. As I was saying, this particular one seems to do more harm than good. Seriously, since I've gotten it, the only good thing was inadvertently shooting and then crushing Laserbeak. I mean, I'm glad I didn't kill her; I don't think-" _Thunderous Crash!_ "…Sideswipe, did I just ruin your prank? Well, I'm sorry that you spent a month preparing it. I didn't mean to set it off. But it's probably a good thing that it didn't hit Prowl; I mean, it's not nice to always focus on him, and you should probably leave before Sunstreaker stops twitching, gets up, and kills you. Okay, now that they're running, where was I?" _Sploosh!_ "Oh my goodness, I am so sorry! I didn't notice you, and I guess I got a little overzealous while I was holding my energon cube, and when it splashed all over you, it didn't douse anything important, right? I'm so sorry!"

Totally covered in fallen energon, Cliffjumper groaned as he tried to ignore the endless babbling and apologies. Who in all of the nine realms had thought it a lovely idea to give _Bluestreak_ the uncontrollable Power of Luck?

OoOoO

Title: Say Hello!

Continuity: G1

Prompt 3 - Challenge: pick two characters and a movie. Your characters were watching that movie, but something went wrong and now they're stuck inside the movie. What happens?

An accident had occurred. Although no one was entirely certain how, Perceptor had most likely caused it.

His experiment had zapped the leaders of both the Aerialbots and the Dinobots into the program they had been watching with presumably morbid fascination. Unfortunately, according to Fireflight and Swoop, it had not been morbid fascination; on the contrary, they had been amused and entirely entertained.

_Well,_ Optimus thought to himself wryly. _Since they are technically two standard years old, I supposed they are in the right age group._

That realization did not make it any easier to watch Silverbolt and Grimlock, holding hands, dance around in a circle with queer, colourful, rotund beings with odd protrusions sticking out of their heads.

As the program's refrain started yet again, someone screamed, "Perceptor! Get them back _now_!"

Cheerfully ignoring the desperate mech, the Teletubbies (and temporarily rogue Autobots) sang, "Teletubbies. Teletubbies! Say. Heh~ Loh!"

"Eh-Oh!"

Title: Unusual, but Not Cruel

Continuity: G1

Prompt 4 - Setting: An uncomfortable place at dawn

Sucking in an invent, Ratchet sighed. In all of his long years of life and eons of experience, he could honestly say that this was one of the most awkward situations he had ever been in. He truly could not believe that this had happened to him. With another sigh, he thought back to how this had come to be.

The day before had started out simple enough: wake up, get energon, get pranked by Twins, call Prowl, go to Medbay, be called out for a Decepticon attack, and fly to Decepticon attack. This time, they had attacked an oil rig near Louisiana, and much to everyone's surprise, energon was _not_ all that they were scheming for.

As soon as Ratchet had transformed and set up a spot for casualties, Skywarp had vopped in, snatched the startled medic, and vopped out.

After the seeker had deposited his prize on the ground, Ratchet had learned exactly why he had been kidnapped: Starscream needed help. Apparently, the Air Commander had been hit on the head one too many times, and he now had minor CPU damage. As far as the Decepticons could tell, said damage only affected one area, and after a quick examination, Ratchet quickly determined the location, severity (mild), and duration of repairs (once he got what he needed, not long). To the medic's surprise, his diagnostic was greeted with open relief, and a plethora of mechs volunteered to visit Cybertron and obtain for Ratchet _everything_ that he needed and a bit besides.

Sadly for the medic, he quickly realized _why_ the self-serving, battle-hardened soldiers helped him so readily.

Hence the reason why he was lying on the observation deck at dawn, watching the sunrise with a snuggly Starscream latched onto him. Sighing, Ratchet finally gave into temptation and stroked the now congenial, physically-affectionate mech's wings. Disturbing circumstances aside, at least the Autobot medic had finally been able to learn more about Seeker anatomy.

OoOoO

Title: Goodbye

Continuity: G1(?)

Prompt 5 – Death

Death.

Such a fascinating concept. Literally hundreds of ways to reach the state, but all ended in the same fashion: a grey corpse and dark optics. _And often,_ he mused, _a grieving loved one._

Jazz swirled his way through the wreckage and reached his near-catatonic bonded. Silently, invisibly reaching over, the deceased pressed a final kiss to familiar dermas before whispering, _"Ah love ya, Prowler. Live well for meh."_

Jazz vanished, and Prowl both shrank in on himself and opened his eyes to continue living.

OoOoO

Title: Quality

Continuity: Bayverse/Movieverse

Prompt 6 - High-Grade

If he could have in this form, Frenzy would have rolled his optics. Hiding out in an electronics store had been a great idea; it still was, actually. Unfortunately, he had not counted on having to listen to the irritating, smarmy, downright underhanded salesman for _hours_.

And here the moron was again, leading some poor couple to a genuinely lousy stereo across the aisle. "…This is one of our best options. It is excellent quality, and it'll last for years! Additionally…"

The radio twitched. That's it. Frag orders; he's had enough!

OoOoO

To the couple's obvious shock, a smaller radio sprang from a shelf behind the salesman and split apart into a million pieces. A moment later, the pieces coalesced into a small, slender, visibly annoyed robot with bright blue eyes. Flipping a middle finger at the paling salesman, it hissed in a raspy voice, "He tells you only a load of slag! If you really want something reliable, appropriate this one." After tapping the aforementioned stereo, the being glared at the nearly-fainting salesman. "Speak the truth, human!"

As the man slumped to the ground in fright, the robot stalked towards and out the door, grumbling about idiot fleshlings and intolerance all the way.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's Notes 2: Here are the (surprisingly short) details about this week:
> 
> #1: I have not watched TFA, and Swindle is not my favorite character. At all. (Actually, I haven't watched him in any continuity.) Nevertheless, I hope I did him "justice."
> 
> #2: Norse mythology reference! Anyway, I asked my dad about powers that can cause clumsiness. Answer: being able to give other people bad luck. See Felicia Hardy for details, but I, naturally, went with the humour version instead of serious.
> 
> #3: Goodness, I'm cruel. ::Cackles gleefully:: I read this to my mother; while not a transformers fan, she described this short as "sick." I'm so proud of myself! Anyway, my sister apparently still loves Teletubbies. For the record, I realized that it was a Nineties' show and not exactly a movie; I don't care. It's funny.
> 
> #6: No, the radio salesman was not a nod to "Ruthless People," although it can be interpreted that way. Frenzy is probably OOC; the real one would have killed the salesman. And then the witnesses for good measure.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's Notes: I know it's been a bit longer than usual, but I refuse to get in a schedule (masochist that I am), and I have several other projects to finish, both for writing and RL.
> 
> Communal Disclaimer: I do not own Transformers.

Title: Consequences

Continuity: G1 (a sequel to _Wizard_ from Chapter 8)

Prompt 3. "Nobody believes me, but I know what I saw."

::Prime, we have a slight situation,:: Prowl called over the comm. ::Please come to the front of the _Ark_ immediately.::

::I'm on my way,:: Optimus commed back, somewhat surprised at the lack of information. Once he arrived though, no explanations were necessary. While several Autobots held watchful weapons at him, Wildrider stood alone at the entrance.

Actually, 'stood' was a bit of an overstatement. The usually rambunctious (to put it politely) mech was barely keeping himself from falling flat on his face. His paint was faded, scuffed, and chipped, his self-repair had obviously not kicked in on several modest injuries, and his optics held the look of the damned that Optimus had last seen in a mech whose beloved bondmate had died.

Carefully setting his weapons to react the moment he required them, the Autobot leader cautiously stepped towards the Decepticon. "Wildrider?" his bass voice rumbled. "What are you doing here?"

Those horribly weary, empty optics turned towards Optimus, and a spark of life lit within them. Slowly, as if in a dream, the smaller mech stumbled to directly in front of the leader, who quickly sent out a ping of ::Wait:: to his men.

A hesitant, trembling hand reached out and reverently touched Optimus' chassis, and suddenly, Wildrider latched around the much larger Autobot in a desperate embrace. While Optimus froze in surprise, Wildrider's voice, muffled by pressing his face into the red chassis, whispered, "You feel nice. You feel like Motormaster. I miss him. I miss them. They're all gone. All gone now. I'm alone."

The Decepticon raised his head; those tortured optics bore straight into Optimus' spark, and he tentatively placed one broad hand on smaller shoulders. "Nobody believes me, but I know what I saw," Wildrider continued, desperation leaking into his voice. "I know what I saw, I know what happened. Nobody believes me, but you have to; someone has to! Why would I lie? I don't have to, because they're all gone now." His face pressed back into Optimus' torso, and with shaking shoulders, he whispered, "They're gone, and they're never coming back."

Softly petting those shoulders, Optimus quickly thought through several plans and ramifications, before settling on the _right_ plan. "Wildrider," he started soothingly, "I am going to take you into the _Ark_. You can rejoin the Decepticon later, if you…" he broke off at the frantic head-shakes. "Or not. In any case, you can stay with me, or your own quarters that we will give you; wherever you feel comfortable while you heal. Is that alright?"

When Wildrider nodded softly, Optimus carefully reached down and pulled the limp, unresisting mech into his arms. Turning slowly, Optimus Prime glided past all of the surrounding mechs, pinging two old friends as he did so. ::Ratchet? You have a new patient. And Prowl? Please find some empty quarters with proper surveillance for a trauma victim in them.

::The _Ark_ has a new resident.::

OoOoO

Title: Spaceman Rocks

Continuity: G1

Prompt 6. "Make love not war."

Skyfire watched the human show with bemusement. Apparently, in a dream of one of the characters, the older, married woman proved her dominance and her claim over her (easily distracted) bondmate by bashing him with a club and carrying him away. (Unfortunately for said bondmate, his femme was small, and she had to resort to _dragging_ him away by his hair.) From an earlier comment in the show, Skyfire gathered that that particular mode of courting was the accepted way of gaining or reclaiming one's mate. _Hmm, what a fascinating concept_ the scientist mused. _It certainly would be an interesting method of 'wooing' one's mates. It also might be the only thing left available to me, considering just how_ stubborn _the two glitches that I like are. Perhaps I should look into it._

He smiled, unseen by the others in the room. _After all, we should make love, not war._

OoOoO

Several Weeks Later…

Soaring over the battlefield, Skyfire carefully checked all positions and any unusual details. To his delight, every last person was in the proper position for him to attempt his dastardly plot; Skywarp in particular had already retreated due to a nasty case of Jet Judo. As Megatron and Optimus fought valiantly in hand-to-hand combat, the shuttle roared overhead, watching carefully for the right moment. Shortly thereafter, the pair of them scooted far enough away from the rest of their soldiers that Skyfire was able to easily land without disturbing anyone else's fight and strode over to the two of them.

Both leaders glanced at the him in distracted confusion, and Optimus' optics widened when Skyfire calmly retrieved a club from subspace and swung it into Megatron's helm with a _crunch_.

The great bucket-helm dropped like a sack of bricks.

Optimus stared at the "peaceful" scientist in shock. As he started towards the Prime though, the leader began to speak. "Skyfire, what are you do-"

_Wham!_

Optimus dropped like a sack of potatoes, landing with a _clang_ on top of Megatron.

"That went better than I had hoped," Skyfire commented to himself, putting away the club. "Ah, well," he continued, noticed the angry mechs running to avenge their respective leaders. "Time to get a move on."

Casually, he flung both bodies over his shoulders and carefully transformed around them, silently thanking his experience in moving objects of all shapes and sizes as he did so.

As the first mechs arrived and Starscream began shouting "Megatron has been kidnapped! I, Starscream, am the new leader of the Decepticons!", Skyfire calmly blasted off through the atmosphere, flying swiftly towards his pre-prepared lair.

Hopefully, if he played this right, not only would this be fun for everybody involved, but he would have size-compatible beaux for the first time in his life.

Oh, and the war would simply have to end, of course.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's Notes 2: Here are this week's details.
> 
> 3: It turns out that I rather like the Stunticons. Basically, I figure that the Decepticons would be lousy for a grieving youngling, or quite possibly 'brutal' instead of just 'lousy,' so he went to the only other place that he knew of. I feel sorry for poor Wildrider; I'm not usually so mean, and he's taking the brunt of it. Good thing Optimus is now there for him!
> 
> 6: Mini Disclaimer: Humans should not do what Skyfire just did. He is both an alien and fiction, and therefore, he has a different set of rules and ethics.
> 
> The title comes from a game I used to (badly) play called "Caveman Rocks." I have finally found an OTP (one true pairing); it turns out that I love Megatron/Skyfire. That is sad, because I have only found two stories that come anywhere close that pairing, and neither of them are true romances. The episode he was watching was "Gilligan's Island – The Secret of Gilligan's Island." Yes, I absolutely adore that show. And this just occurred to me, but Skyfire was kind of acting like a dragon (Has anyone seen a picture of dragon!Skyfire?), which would make Optimus and Megatron princesses… the horror, the horror…


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's Notes: I would like to point out that one of the prompts this week is 'Asexuality.' I actually had a plot bunny for that, but I had previously chickened out of writing it. In any case, I did my best, and I think it turned out well.
> 
> Communal Disclaimer: I do not own Transformers.

 

Title: Stranded and Alone

Continuity: Bayverse (with a liberal dose of G1 for taste)

Prompt #2 - Scenario - no sound, over a large space of time

_Alone._

_Alone, alone, everyone else gone._

_Can't talk, tried, can't. Don't bother to call. Haven't tried for so long._

_Where is everyone? Want someone. Want to hear someone, somehow. So cold, so alone, so long. Want… someone._ _**Anyone** _ _._

_Where to go? Got energon, don't got anything else. Can't talk. No sound. Scared._

_It's been so long… I… just want to talk… To be heard…. To_ _**hear** _ _…_

_Why am I alone?_

OoOoO

_Been so long, so long, so 'lone, so quiet, so long, so…_

_What's that?_

He scampered as quickly as he could toward the disturbance in the distance, activating his long-neglected communications equipment. ::Is someone there? Please, answer me!::

To his utter joy, someone answers. ::Yes, I am here. Who are you? Are you alright?::

Moving as quickly as he possibly can, he zooms closer. ::Not alright. It's so quiet, so alone. Want someone! Please, stay? Can't be alone again, can't, can't can't…::

::Hey,:: the voice breaks in on his scrambled dialogue. ::Calm down; I'm not going to leave you. I think I can see you, so you're almost here. Just let me transform, and I'll be ready to meet you.::

As the voice kept a soothing stream of sound flowing over the comm., he finally reached it. In a clearing, there stood one of the biggest mechs that he had ever seen in his life.

But it was a mech.

In one movement, he had transformed, thrown himself forward, and flung his limbs so tightly around the newcomer that alerts pinged through his processors.

Large, steady hands reached out and softly began stroking him. "Hello, there. My name is Beamer; what is yours?" After waiting for an answer, the mech seemed to shrug and continue on. "Well, we can figure that out later. Hmm, I'm a shuttle. The reason I landed on this miserable wasteland of a planet is because it was on my way, and I picked up a distress signal originating from here. It was an odd signal; I was barely able to pick it up, but I'm glad I did.

"I'm heading for a Class-M planet around a single star. Optimus Prime sent out a message, inviting all of the Autobots to come there. I don't entirely know why, but if he's there, it must have something going for it."

::Bluestreak.::

Beamer paused in his rambling. "Bluestreak? Is that your name?

::Yes. Thank you so much for finding me. I appreciate it so much. Will you take me with you? I want to see Optimus again, and I don't want to be alone, and will you, please?::

"Of course I will, Bluestreak. Is there a reason that you continue to use the comm.?"

Bluestreak wriggled against the warm chassis, feeling safe and content for the first time in far too long. ::Yes. My vocalizer is broken. I don't know if there is a way to fix it. When do we leave? I hate this place. And I hate the quiet.::

Beamer laughed, the sound rumbling pleasantly through Bluestreak's frame. "Well, you're in luck! I'm ready to leave, and I like to talk." He set the smaller mech down, trailing comforting digits over drooping doorwings as he did so. "Ready to go?"

::Yes.:: Bluestreak stared in shock at the friendly red optics, and at the faded Decepticon sigil on Beamer's torso. ::You're a Decepticon. Why do you want to go to Optimus?::

As he transformed, Beamer explained, ::Yes, I am. However, I'm not going to the Prime; I'm going to the planet that he's on. The Prime has good instincts and good medics. I can keep myself occupied and not causing trouble, and if something does happen, others of my species will be there. Also, I will hopefully be able to steady some others of my faction.:: The shuttle's entrance ramp dropped in front of the small doorwinger. ::Ready to go, Bluestreak?::

::Absolutely.:: Without a second glance, Bluestreak trotted up the ramp, more than ready to leave this Pit behind.

OoOoO

 

Title: Enough

Continuity: G1

Prompt #4 – Asexuality

_For the love of Primus, enough is enough!_

Megatron stared at his relatively new Air Commander in total exasperation.

It had started out innocently enough; Starscream had been flirting with him. Nothing that could be qualified as scandalous and nothing truly bothersome, just wing flicks here, playful looks there, and _just_ enough swing in his hips to draw attention to long legs and that beautiful aft. All in all, nothing that the leader cared to stop.

Then it escalated.

While Megatron couldn't prove anything, he believed that not only had Starscream decided to up the ante, but his trine mates (or any resident pranksters) had chosen to involve themselves. Cue Megatron and Starscream being left alone as often as possible, energon candies being left at his spot at the conference table, admiring comments about Starscream _everywhere_ , and most recently, racy notes being left attached to his door, his chair, the energon dispenser, his spot at the conference table, and his communications officer. (Needless to say, Soundwave had not been pleased; they had required Hook's assistance in prying the slagging thing off. To add insult to injury, the espionage officer had no idea which individual managed the deed, nor how.) By now, Megatron was thoroughly tired of the whole mess, and it had all just culminated to this moment.

"Starscream, how did you get inside my quarters?"

The seeker lounging on _his_ berth turned lazily and stretched.

"Why, my lord, I came through the door."

"Starscream," Megatron continued impatiently, watching the attractive form wiggle into a more comfortable position, "that door has a triple-encrypted lock that requires three totally different passwords and someone of at least my mass standing in front of the door. How did you get in here, and why?"

"Yes, you really should get a more difficult password. As for the mass problem, I simply had Thundercracker walk me to the door. You are lucky," Starscream purred rising to his pedes and stalking gracefully closer. "He usually threatens my potential partners with castration if they hurt me; I believe that he's willing to trust you for now."

As the amorous seeker reached his prey, Megatron's arms shot out and grabbed him. "Starscream, I am flattered. You are beautiful, strong, and intelligent. Perhaps too intelligent," he added wryly, thinking nostalgically of that particular door-lock. "However, while it is absolutely no insult against you, I am not interested in the slightest."

"Wh-what?!" Starscream gaped at his leader, shock causing him to lose his footing and tumble against the larger frame.

"You heard me correctly." Matter-of-factly shuffling seeker into a more comfortable hold, he continued, "I have never been interested in anyone in that way, and I don't know why. I have experimented, and while I enjoy holding and being close to people, I simply do not enjoy myself. I can certainly appreciate a fine form, but I have no desire in taking you up on your offer."

The seeker pressed against him still radiated shock, but curiosity was quickly swimming to the forefront. "You're serious?" Starscream flexed his energy field against Megatron's in a way that undoubtedly felt pleasant, but otherwise did not affect the larger mech. Slipping out of the entrapping hold, he gazed at Megatron curiously. "Huh. You _are_ serious. I've never had anyone be able to resist that trick."

"Well," he continued, a smile growing on his face, "I suppose it will be nice having another mech who is guaranteed not to drool over me. Tell me, my lord," he started, throwing one of those playful looks at the other, "I don't suppose you would care for a cuddle-buddy during your recharge tonight? I promise no seductive touches."

Megatron simply stared at the seeker, before throwing his head back and roaring with laughter. "You are absolutely incorrigible, aren't you? Yes, Starscream, you may stay." Reclaiming his berth, the Decepticon leader stretched out and pulled the seeker down next to him. "Good recharge, Starscream."

"You as well, Megatron." Silence reigned. "Oh, and my lord? I will talk to everyone tomorrow about not bothering you anymore. No matter how much fun it was to see Soundwave with a datapad glued to his back."

OoOoO

 

Title: Target Practice

Continuity: G1

Prompt #5 - "The easiest decision I ever made"

"What's the easiest decision that I ever made?" Dead End considered for a moment. "Probably that time when my emotion centers were scrambled from an injury. Wildrider was driving me crazy, so I grabbed the nearest object and started beating him with it. Didn't even have to think about it."

"Of course," he continued languidly, "the best part of that day was finding out that Vortex had been watching. Turns out that I grabbed one of his electro-whips; luckily for Wildrider, I didn't know to turn it on. Anyway, Vortex has been giving me lessons ever since." He finished the rest of his energon. "The lessons are going surprisingly well. I can usually hit what he tells me to. Unfortunately, I usually hit my teacher as well."

"In my defense," he finished dryly, rising to his feet to leave, "I probably wouldn't hit him so often if he didn't stand right behind the target."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's Notes 2: Here are the notes for this week:
> 
> #2: And that, ladies and gents, is probably what my mental state would be in his circumstances. Poor Bluestreak. Beamer is one of my few, thought-out OCs. I quite like him; shuttles just seem to be an amiable breed to me. And yes, I totally stole 'Class M planet' from Star Trek.
> 
> #4: As I said, this plot bunny has been in my head for months, but I never had the guts to write and post it. While this short is a little more risqué than I normally write, it's no worse than the first couple seasons of MASH. (On second thought, it's actually tamer than the first couple seasons of MASH!)
> 
> In my head canon, while Megatron has his moments and a nasty temper, for the most part he's on the calmer, steadier side. Therefore, he is not out of character in this, and Starscream isn't dead. Personally, I find this an interesting contrast to the usual ways Megatron and Starscream's relationship is portrayed.
> 
> #5: Yet another plunny that's been hopping through my head for a while. I hope that I portrayed Dead End right.


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's Notes: I realize that it's been a long time since I've updated here. Alas, I don't intend to make a habit of it; I'm really busy these days. Nevertheless, I hope you enjoy what I do have!
> 
> Thanks to Exactlywhat for betaing for me, despite busy schedules and computer glitches.
> 
> OoOoO
> 
> Disclaimer: I do not own Transformers.

Title: Accidentally

Continuity: G1

Prompt 1. A deliberate mistake.

"You called me, sir?"

"Yes, Prowl. I have received Jazz's, Wheeljack's, and Perceptor's reports, but I wish to discuss some details with you."

"Very well."

"To reiterate, it was Jazz's job protect the scientists while they set up their new device, which I believe was meant to wreak havoc with Decepticon communications."

"Correct, sir."

"So how, exactly, did it fly three hundred feet from its original position, attach to Devastator, and explode?"

"Apparently, Wheeljack accidentally brought the prototype for his newest gun instead of the communications apparatus. Fortunately, Perceptor also made a mistake and brought the components required to properly utilize the bomb, and of course, Jazz was carrying a remote controlled detonator."

"I see. And those mistakes were completely on accident?"

"Yes, sir."

"And how did they manage to make the bomb fly?"

"They did not. According to Jazz, Eject happened to be in the area, and he has been practicing football as of late. He punted the explosive, which sealed itself to Devastator. While the gestalt clomped around, Jazz became distracted by another conflict and pushed the detonation switch."

"I assume that it was also an accident that Devastator took out three of their foot soldiers, destroyed the Decepticons' Weapon of the Week, and almost crushed Megatron in the process?"

"As far as I am aware, sir, yes."

"Hmm. So, to summarize, everything was a series of fortunate mistakes?"

"Yes, sir."

"Alright, I understand. Thank you for answering my questions, Prowl, and please let all relevant parties know that they must never do this again. Additionally, please pass on my congratulations for completing a successful mission."

"Of course, Prime."

OoOoO

Title: Be Careful What You Wish For

Continuity: G1

Prompt 2. Accidentally ingesting the wrong thing.

Over the queer mechanical whine, a word was repeated over and over: "Food… food… food…"

The horde tried to find yet more sustenance to quench their unending appetite, but alas, Lady Luck appeared to have abandoned them to slow, agonizing starvation.

Suddenly, the word gained a new tone, and the entire body surged forward. "Food! FOOD! _FOOD!_ "

There before them lay their salvation in the form of a lush, green field liberally dotted with bright red specks. To a one, they attacked the helpless foliage with the voracity of hungry wolves and a glee suitable to little children being handed sweets. Ripping into the feast, the horde gorged itself, feeding mindlessly in the desperate need to eat.

As soon as hunger's cruel edge had been vanquished, however, new words began permeating the whining drone: "Pain!" "Hurts!" "Augh!" "Hot-hot-hot!"

With that feeling foremost in their minds, the entire group of Insecticons turned as one and raced for the cooling ocean, leaving the Carolina Reaper pepper field far, far behind.

OoOoO

Title: Mix-Up

Continuity: G1 AU

Prompt 3. Getting someone else's [x] by mistake (x can be their kit, their upgrades, their gun, their paintjob, their cassettes, anything).

Stormfall buzzed around his modest apartment in a whirlwind of frenetic activity. Finally, after so many years of waiting, he could reunite with his darling Cloudskimmer! Before their lives had been ripped apart by the war, they had planned to bond. Alas, fate decided to separate them during the conflict, though they, at least, were able to regularly contact one another.

But now! Now, the cruel war was over. Now, Stormfall owned a nice, roomy dwelling with access to the skies, and he had joyfully requested that his beloved leave the refugee colony of Malacar and join him on a slowly rebuilding Cybertron. However, best of all, Cloudskimmer's transport would arrive today; hence why the blue and grey seeker was currently dithering about his abode in excitement.

He simply could not _wait_ to feel his beloved safely encased in his embrace once again. _I just have to wait a few more hours…_

Suddenly, Stormfall's comm. pinged. Jerking slightly in surprise, he nevertheless answered the call. ::May I help you?::

::I certainly hope so,:: a weary voice replied. ::This is Cybertron's Public Spaceport. You are Stormfall, and you are expecting a seeker named Cloudskimmer today, correct?::

::Yes,:: Stormfall confirmed, now worried. ::Why? What happened? Was anyone hurt? Cloudskimmer! Is he okay? Please, tell me-::

::Sir!:: the voice broke into the rapidly panicking stream of questions. ::Please relax; as far as our extensive communications web can tell, no one has been harmed in any way.

::However, there is a problem. Would you please come to the spaceport as quickly as possible?::

OoOoO

On Earth, Bumper simply stared in utter shock. He had been, and still was despite the war having officially ended, a proud, loyal Autobot. His lover, on the other hand, simply could not stand the fighting and had instead lived on the refugee colony of Malacar. Now that stability reigned supreme though, Bumper had convinced Carerra to come and join him on the organic world. He knew that Carerra would absolutely love it, but sadly, there appeared to be one, extremely large problem with the plan.

"Who the frag are you?!"

Blinking down at the minibot, the lavender and silver seeker's derma's parted in a surprised 'o' before hastening to answer the question. "Dear me, I'm terribly sorry! I'm Cloudskimmer, and I was supposed to join my Intended on Cybertron. The people in charge of the transports assured me that I was going to the right place, but…" he gulped nervously at the group of humans traveling into a nearby building, "um, I think there's been a mistake regardless. I don't suppose that you could help me?"

Bumper just accepted the ridiculous, beyond aggravating explanation with the grace of a martyr before heaving a great sigh. "Yeah, Cloudskimmer, I can help you. I was actually expecting my own intended today, so let's go snag a long-distance comm. and see if your mate received my precious package. I guess you can reassure him that you're fine in the process."

The seeker visibly perked up, posture straightening and wings fluttering. "That would be lovely, thank you! I'm terribly sorry about the mistake, even though it wasn't technically mine. But still, I probably could have done something. I have absolutely no idea _what_ , but there's probably something. By the way, what is your designation?"

Turning from the chatterbox seeker, the minibot answered, "I'm Autobot Bumper. Now come on; there's a comm. available right over here." As they walked to the terminal, Bumper opened a line to his commanding officer. ::Sir? I have problem that I need help with, but I'm not sure if you're going to believe me.::

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's Notes 2: Just some trivia for these shorts.
> 
> #1: I think this was my first time doing a dialogue only fic; it was surprisingly enjoyable. Oh, and I really hope that Eject is the sports-crazy cassette. I am aware that punting an explosive is not a good idea. Fortunately, this is fiction, and I found it funny,
> 
> #2: Though Bob is awesome and the TF:P ones look cool, I do not like the Insecticons, I have never written them before, and I know virtually nothing about them. In regards to the peppers, the world's hottest pepper is currently the Carolina Reaper, which I believe is grown in Fort Mills, South Carolina. And I'm not sure if running into the ocean would be plausible or helpful for them, but it made more sense than guzzling a bunch of milk.
> 
> #3: Don't worry; everything gets straightened out and both pairs are happily reunited. For the record, I think Cloudskimmer is adorable, and yes, he and Stormfall are both OCs.
> 
> Frightfully enough, this fic was actually inspired by a true story that I read about on Ellis Island. Two immigrant men sent for their wives, there was a mix-up on the Island, and the women, who of course spoke different languages, were sent to the wrong men in two totally different cities. Oops. The refugee colony of Malacar, both the concept and physical planet, was completely made up. According to TFWikia, Bumper is an Autobot minibot; despite having used him before, I still have no idea as to his personality. Carerra is another minibot, who I know very, very little about. If I recall correctly, he's a Spanish cover of the Autobot minibots, but I could be wrong.


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _Author's Notes: Hah! I finally got some of these done in time! Sadly, I can pretty much guarantee that this will not happen again until next year. I'm about to get super busy until about Christmas._
> 
> _On more fun news, this batch of prompts was a whole bunch of fun. They were also chosen in honor of Banned Book Week, which is one of my favorite unofficial remembrances. I find it fascinating to learn what has been banned at points and why._
> 
> OoOoO
> 
> Communal Disclaimer: I do not own Transformers or anything else referenced in these shorts.

Title: Things are not Always as They Seem

Continuity: G1

Prompt: 2. Let Me Tell You 'Bout the Birds and the Bees. A lot of rock musicians got away with saying some pretty racy, sexy stuff by making it sound like they were talking about something else. Like, oh, check out this list . Write a story that pretends to be about something innocent, when it's about something else entirely.

"Hey, Jazz!" Blaster called cheerfully. "Whatcha listenin' to?"

Jazz smiled back. "Ah found this groovy new tune called 'We Built this City,' and Ah just can't seem to get it out of mah head."

"Ah've heard that one! Gotta agree with yah on how good it is. So, Ah assume we're still on fo' the concert tonight?"

"O' course, mech."

OoOoO

"Mirage?" Bumblebee asked his fellow spec-ops agent. "Did you catch that tune Jazz was humming earlier? I couldn't quite place it."

The graceful mech nodded. "Yes, I did. I believe it was "Defying Gravity" from a popular theatre production. It is a very empowering, uplifting song with a positive message."

"Sounds nice! Thanks."

OoOoO

"Jazz!" Prowl snapped, glaring at the oversized, living decoration lounging on his desk. "I realize that you have taken it upon yourself to ensure that I do not overwork myself. I even appreciate it! However, if you force me to listen to a third hour of 'Hush, Little Baby' and 'Brahms Lullaby,' I will not be held accountable for my actions."

OoOoO

The Autobot Third in Command swayed down the corridor, grinning easily at those he passed and leaving cheerful bemusement in his wake. Granted, the tune he was wordlessly crooning, one he had learned from a lively group of very young human children, might have had something to do with that reaction. While so short that he restarted the melody every fifteen seconds, it was one of the bounciest, most playful songs he'd learned yet on Earth.

Reaching the door to the soundproofed, extremely private interrogation room, he slipped inside and sized up the prisoner.

Then he smiled.

The prisoner _shuddered_ at the look on his interrogator's face, and Jazz finally broke into song, deliberately sending icy chills down his prisoner's lines.

"Ring around the rosy.  
"Pockets full of Posy.  
"Ashes, ashes,  
"We all. fall. dead!"

OoOoO

Title: No Such Thing

Continuity: G1 AU. Those on the _Ark_ wake up in a lousy future about 200 years from now.

Prompt: 3. It's a Mad World. A lot of challenges to library books, especially science fiction and fantasy, have to do with the world they create being considered too dark or too violent (most recently, Panem in the Hunger Games books). Write a piece in which your characters encounter a really oppressive, dystopian society.

"Where are we?" Optimus Prime asked as softly as physically possible, peering out at the swirling vapors that shrouded the planet spread before him.

"I am not positive," the welcome voice of his second answered almost shakily. "Teletraan 1 has not identified our exact position, though this planet is probably our intended destination. However, it has analyzed the veritable chemical soup that composes this world's atmosphere. Fortunately, the _Ark_ protected us while we slept, and the limited exposure since then has not been enough to harm us. Unfortunately, it is definitely toxic. For the duration of our stay, patrols will need to be as limited and preferably automated as possible. If anyone strays outside for longer than five standard hours, they _will_ need to visit the medbay immediately. Personally, I recommend fortifying the ship and possibly building another, equally secure base if we are required to stay for longer than approximately a standard month."

"Thank you, Prowl." Turning to once more face the alien landscape, Optimus wondered aloud, "How did this planet come to be so… devastating? Even Cybertron was never twisted into something so dangerous to our kind, and the original reports showed no mention of any poisons at all, lethal or not."

Prowl hesitated for a moment, drawing his leader's curiosity. Reluctantly, the black and white mech divulged, "Unknown, sir. However, some of the information that Teletraan 1 has gathered from various sources indicate that a sentient species may have lived on this planet at one time. There is also additional information, namely in the form of extremely large, enclosed structures scattered across the globe, that might mean the species is still here. Be that as it may, without additional data, we simply don't know."

The Prime's optics lit up in a mixture of horror and fascination, but before he could ask any further questions, alarms started blaring. Exchanging a quick nod, both mechs strode off to their duties. Mysteries on an alien planet notwithstanding, they had Decepticons to foil.

OoOoO

::This wouldn't happen to be one of those "large, enclosed structures" now would it, Prowl?:: Optimus inquired of his second, staring at the dome that could hold an entire city in it.

::Yes. Yes, it would be,:: his second answered dryly. ::And as of this moment, intelligence has not found any openings in it whatsoever. The Decepticons appear to be trying to blow a hole it it-:: an explosion rumbled through the assorted Autobots, and as they watched, a plume of smoke began rising from around the bend of the curved wall ::-just over there..::

::Understood.:: Optimus rose to his full height. "Autobots! We may be strangers on this world and confused as to what the future holds, but right now, our duty is clear: we must stop the Decepticons from whatever deviltry they are committing now! You should also know that there is a chance that other sentient species lives behind that wall, further complicating the matter by drawing innocent civilians into the Decepticons' paths. Does everyone understand what to do?" At the answering cheers, he finished with, "Then transform and roll out!"

OoOoO

Well, there had certainly been sentients inside the dome. Thanks to the warning, there had been no disaster, but the entire fighting force had been shocked to discover that the other species was organic, many, and in every stage of development.

"Are you a whale?"

"I beg your pardon?" Optimus rumbled at the juvenile female in front of him. Most of the 'humans' appeared cautious or even frightened of the large group of robots that had fought off the other group of killer robots, but this youngling held no such concerns.

"I asked if you were a whale. I suppose you could be a dolphin or something else, but you're so big that I think you'd only be able to be a whale."

 _What is a whale?_ the Prime wondered before gently correcting the girl. "I am not a whale. I am Optimus Prime, leader of the Autobots."

"It is a pleasure to meet you, Mr. Prime," a firm voice called out. Optimus focused on the voice, and found a regal human with long, white hair approaching him. A large group of men, presumably emergency workers, arrived as well and immediately began clearing debris, administering first aid, helping shocked bystanders away, and more; one efficiently swept up the little girl and carried her away to a medic despite her protests.

"My name is Melody Coyne, and I am the president of our city," the white-haired female continued. "I thank you and your men for your help, and request that you speak with me privately."

"Of course," Optimus agreed easily, pinging his intentions to his men.

Following the president to a nearby garden, he ended up explaining the war, the Decepticons' intentions, the Autobots' intentions, and why their species was on Earth in the first place.

At the end of his commentary, Melody regarded him with thoughtful intensity.

Finally, she leaned forward in her chair. "I am going to be perfectly blunt with you, Mr. Prime, and I don't know how you will take it." The elderly woman pinned him with a stare that made the Prime freeze where he sat. "You and your people being here is an incredible inconvenience that I don't need."

Optimus felt his mouth drop open behind his mask, but fortunately remained silent while the lady continued. "To begin with, your enemies showed no hesitation in destroying part of our shielded dome. That dome enables us to live on this planet; without proper protection, one of us will be crippled in some way within five minutes and dead within ten. The air on this planet is pure poison, and we simply cannot have it in our cities.

"In addition, there is the more subtle threat that you pose. If I intend to succeed in keeping all of my people alive, well, and mentally healthy, that means careful planning. As one leader to another, I might even be so honest as to call some of that planning 'brainwashing.'" That hard gaze continued to hold Optimus' as their owner dispassionately continued her explanation. "When my grandmother was a girl, all the trouble-makers, non-conformists, and restless spirits had the blessing of being able to travel to places that accepted them, places that had like-minded people or no people at all, to find peace with their lot in life. Now? That is quite literally impossible. We have no such luxury; it is my duty to see that everyone bends to a place in our society. In the most tragic of cases, I see them broken to their stations in one way or another.

"So you see, Mr. Prime," she finished, folding her hands primly on her lap, "You and your foes, with your passionate beliefs, rallying cries, and even your stories of a greater galaxy that we can't learn a single thing about save from you, are the most dangerous threat that my people have ever faced.

"What do you suppose we do about it?"

OoOoO

Optimus Prime, heroic leader of the Autobots, valiant warleader for millenia, quietly departed from the negotiations feeling ill. President Coyne was the most ruthless, eminently practical being he had ever met in his very long life. He had no doubt that even with all of the dangers facing her city, she would ensure its survival no matter what. In exchange for the Autobots providing intelligence against the Decepticons and fighting them when necessary, the negotiations had decided that the city would assist them in finding whatever resources they required in order to get off the planet as quickly as possible.

And privately, Optimus reflected that their departure could not happen fast enough.

OoOoO

Title: Séance

Continuity: G1, after the '86 movie and Optimus' resurrection

Prompt: 4. It's a Kind of Magic. Books frequently get challenged based on their use of the occult. Did you know that was one of the major reasons people brought against Twilight? You probably do know, already, that the Harry Potter novels were frequently challenged by school libraries for their depiction of sorcery and magic. Let's honor that by writing a story that involves magic, magical creatures, the occult, or just anything that would upset those people who think Harry Potter is evil.

The excited chatter from the crowd ahead drew Spike's attention, and the older man ambled over curiously. Tapping the safest leg (otherwise known as the one furthest from the crush of bodies), he asked, "What's going on?"

"Oh!" The exclamation actually came from the center of the group, which parted enough for Spike to actually reach the speaker. Bluestreak knelt down to more comfortably converse with him, then ecstatically blurted, "Optimus is going to help me talk to Prowl today!"

Spiked blinked. Prowl had been dead for several years now, and the long-term Autobot friend clearly remembered how devastated and utterly depressed the chatterbox had been at his former guardian's death. In the interest of not bursting the finally happy mech's bubble, Spike tactfully asked, "Could someone please explain things to the clueless human? Because I really think I'm missing something."

"Thanks to the Matrix, Optimus has the ability to communicate with those who have died and gone to rest in the Well of Allsparks," Bluestreak answered promptly. "More to the point, he can also help others who are still living communicate with the dead as well.

"Would you like to watch?" the sniper offered. "It's not a secret or anything. Everyone here is either going to participate or just watch."

After considering for a moment, Spike shrugged. "What the hey, why not? In any case, it should be interesting. Thanks, Bluestreak."

"No problem!"

OoOoO

Three hours later, Spike staggered into his human-sized quarters. Amazingly enough, the Autobots had been fully serious. During the ceremony, joyful reunions had been made with Ironhide, Prowl, Wheeljack, and other Cybertronians of either faction. (Starscream had showed up too, but the less spoken of _those_ fifteen minutes the better.)

What his very large friends had failed to mention was the sacred ceremony's similarities to every horrible stereotype of fortunetellers, séances, and other supernatural rites. Consequently, his head still swam from the heavy incense, and he _still_ vibrated from the ceaseless humming; on the plus side, he otherwise felt really good from spending the last three hours comfortably sprawled on pillows, cushions, and assorted soft stuff that had been liberally draped all over the room.

With a groan, he flung his arm over his eyes. He didn't care how awesome, amazing, etc. the ceremony was; as soon as he could think straight again, it was going on the ever-increasing "Not for Discussion in Public or with Random Humans" list.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _Author's Notes 2: Here are the details for this set:_  
> 
> _#2: There was simply no way that this short was going to be rampant innuendo, so I had to get creative. Just to clarify, yes, it is about people in-the-know being able to determine Jazz's mood by what music he's singing. Surprisingly, I do not like writing Jazz. I can write his fun, cheerful musician aspect well enough, but his very important, terrifying black-ops aspect? Nope, can't, and don't wanna. "Ring around the Rosy" is a popular song/game among children about 3 to 7, and morbidly, it's about the Black Death._
> 
> _#3: "No Such Thing" is a song by Kathy Mar and the universe that inspired my muse; it's chillingly beautiful. Sadly, I have not been able to find it for free online. If you're looking for new songs though, the filk album "My Favorite Sings" is phenomenal. The time-unit "standard hour" (or year, minute, week, etc.) has been cheerfully stolen from Star Wars and applied to other fandoms because I loathe learning and screwing up new time measurements. Oh, and President Coyne was totally a nod to "Mockingjay."_
> 
> _9/17/15 Edit: Ah-hah! This is why you have to go back every so often and search for "missing" things again. Here's the link to "No Such Thing," and it should clear up any confusion people had about the little girl's whale comment: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m-1GM7AgxUM_
> 
> _#4: This one was really, really hard! I am not in the habit of doing things just to annoy people, and usually when people are being idiots (like whining about how evil Harry Potter is), I just call them idiots and ignore them. Anyway, I hit upon the idea of a séance because they're a surefire way to make a whole lotta people angry. I should probably confess that 1.) they're against my religion, and 2.) thanks to reading a few Harry Houdini biographies as a child, I would have thought they were a bunch of horse-hockey anyway. (In all fairness, I do believe that talking with the dead and fortunetelling can happen when God gets involved, but he rarely does so.) Still, I don't wish to infuriate anyone, and I freely admit that I based what little description I gave off the very, very little stereotypes I know just to amp up the potential headache for Spike._


End file.
